Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #3

This series is based on real statements heard in risk situations. 

#3 "You must be so brave."

 
Why is "You must be so brave" not helpful?  

Because the person in risk hearing this response doesn't feel "seen" or understood.  

Often times, a global worker will share their risk dilemma out of a need to process what God is doing and the impact on his or her life.  Being seen as brave is really not the goal or main point of discussing risk with someone. 

This response demonstrates a lack of awareness and is dismissive of the actual issues, and also elevates the worker above the other person so that the worker cannot share authentically an issue that may be very frightening. 

A better response would be to validate the challenges the global worker is facing in risk and ask an open question.  

For example, "How did that impact you?"

Then listen. 

Go To:
Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #2

Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #4


 

Monday, April 17, 2017

Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #2

This series is based on real statements really heard in risk situations.

#2 "Well, I didn't come here to have it easy."

Background:
The team leaders from across the country were being debriefed together. One leader who had experienced significant public persecution made this statement as he looked around at everyone: "Well, I didn't come here to have it easy." 
At that point, the safety within the group was compromised, since no one felt safe to share their struggles and fears in their security environment, for fear of being further disparaged.  His statement, with the tone and emphasis on "I" and "easy" made it impossible for anyone to share what they truly were struggling with. 
Without thinking, this leader had implied that anyone struggling had come overseas with the mindset that it would be easy, which wasn't at all truthful and quite an unfair implication.
Leaders in risk need a much higher level of social awareness and sensitivity to relationship management - both critical aspects of emotional intelligence. The difficult thing about this leader is that he is in leadership with extremely low empathy skills, and was unable to respond sensitively to people in distress while in an increasing risk situation.
Judging others, playing the comparison games, and diminishing the sacrifice of those who have willingly sacrificed much to go to a difficult place has no place within Christ's Body.  Paul and the early Church clearly publically commended those who risked their lives. 
It is not dishonoring to Christ to admit to struggles, and work through in each risk moment what it means for each individual to follow Him in difficult places. Let's be "safe" pastoral providers to those working in difficult places. 

Go to
Unhelpful Things People say in Risk #1
Unhelpful Things People say in Risk #3