Healing Life's Hurts Part 1

Any experience and any painful memory may be taken two ways: a blessing for growth or a curse that cripples. Our faith history can be framed this way because the painful memories can be used for His glory.

When we imaginatively take our Lord by the hand and look at past hurts through the light of His view, looking for His presence and heart in that past experience, we begin the path of healing.  When we understand Christ's feelings about our situation not just what He thinks from the Truth of His Word, we are moving along the path of the five stages of forgiveness and healing.

It's helpful to realize that emotional and mental healing from past hurts has inherent rules that are present even if not recognized.

Five Rules

1. In healing past hurts, we deal with emotional wounds that heal in stages much like physical wounds.

2. Healing must go through the 5 stages of healing: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

3. We will find ourselves not only moving from stage to stage but penetrating each stage at greater depth until we begin seeing the moment as God does.

4. Four emotions tend to be at the core of most emotional instability in our lives: anxiety, fear, anger and guilt.

5. In pastoral care, appropriate use must be made not only of theological principles but also of the findings of secular sciences such as psychology and behaviorism. This is how the faithful can be brought to live the abundant Christian life in a more thorough and mature way.

The 5 Stages of Healing past wounds are similar to the 5 stages of dying:

STAGES                IN DYING

Denial              I don't ever admit I will die.
Anger               I blame others for letting death hurt and destroy me.
Bargaining       I set up conditions to be fulfilled before I'm ready to die.
Depression       I blame myself for letting death destroy me.
Acceptance      I look forward to dying.

STAGES          IN HEALING PAST HURT

Denial               I don't admit I was ever hurt.
Anger                I blame others for hurting and destroying me.
Bargaining        I set up conditions to be fulfilled before I'm ready to forgive.
Depression        I blame myself for letting hurt destroy me.
Acceptance       I look forward to growth from hurt.

How do we know we are healed from past hurt?

We are healed when we can say not "That's O.K." but "I forgive you for hurting me because it brought so much growth that I'm grateful it happened."

While the Holy Spirit can heal immediately or use short-cuts to healing, healing usually takes time, reflection, dialogue, prayer, and the help of others.

 Go to Healing Life's Hurts Part 2

Excerpted from Matthew and Dennis Linn "Healing Life's Hurts"

The Language of Silence

While I am still working on mastering two languages, and between Neal and I we now have over 8 languages we've learned to various levels of skill, one language is even more important:

Silence. 

Silence is God's first language;

everything else is a poor translation.

In order to hear that language,

we must learn to be still

and to rest in God.

Thomas Keating

Sometimes it feels like God is silent. It sure can feel that way. 

His apparent silence is our noise drowning out His still, small voice.

Silence gently draws us to our depth. 

By letting go of our many words, 
we are drawn 

to that one Word made flesh, 

that Word that gives life and power 

to all of our spoken words.

Betty J Skinner

Be still and know that I am God. 

Psalm 46:10

But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before him. 

 Habakkuk 2:20

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.   

Exodus 14:14 

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.

 Isaiah 30:5

The Holy Fathers taught: (Philokalia Vol 2 p 387)

Deep inner silence goes far beyond a lack of noise and freedom from speaking. Instead, the entire inner life remains in a state of inner tranquility, mental quietness, and concentration, deepened by the practice of constant prayer and guarding the heart and mind. 

It is not simply silence, but an attitude of listening to God and of continual openness towards Him. 

The path to this inner reality requires constant diligence and return, until we are able to maintain it. It may take years of practice and failure, but it is possible. 

A Tiny Tiny Taste

It's time to share another treasure from my Afghanistan suitcase.  Several authors new to me have given me the insight to be able to begin to explain this experience, even as I continue to seek to understand its relevance for me.

Being a white woman with my eye and hair coloring, I will never ever be able to fully understand what many non-whites experience throughout their lives, especially African-Americans.

One of the earliest experiences that began to weave new awareness of oppression, powerlessness, physical brutality, sexual exploitation, emotional dehumanization, racism, and sexism into my life occurred during the massive home invasion we experienced in Afghanistan in 2002.

At one point that evening, the 10 armed men from the Panjshir Valley became frustrated I wouldn't do what they wanted. The tall leader pushed me so hard I flew against the wall, my head cracking on the cement. My husband jumped up to defend me, and immediately he had the barrels of two Kalishnikovs touching the temples on both sides of his head, their fingers on the trigger ready to blow his brains out.  In a millisecond, three major thoughts ran through my mind.

The one I'm focusing on today is this: 

...In their eyes, I was nothing. I had no value, no significance, no threat, no relevance, nothing. I was a woman with 2 children, two college degrees, a master's degree, and was in a doctoral program. I was accomplished, talented, generally a nice person.

But they were blinded to that.

My female gender and light skin, aspects I cannot change, made me a person of nothing, other than that I was getting in the way of what they wanted.

I never forgot I felt like the value of dirt...what you sweep away. 

My experiences continued.

After the robbery, the police asked us to go to the police station for Neal to identify the robbers they caught. I sat in an outer room, not wishing to see those men again.  My night watchmen who also had been tied up was sitting in the room with me after he had been taken to identify the robbers, and a police captain of some sort also sat there with us.  As I sat there, the Police Captain behind the desk was staring at me, and then asked my illiterate guard (in Dari of course), "Does she milk her children?" (translated means does she breast feed?).

I was horrified.

In his eyes, I was literally a piece of meat, one he spoke about something so personally to my guard, assuming I didn't speak their language.

Again, I experienced the indignity of no value. 

On the street, as I posted earlier, sexual harassment was very common. At the very least, I would have stones throne at my direction, vegetables thrown, and often young boys riding their big green Chinese bikes towards me, veering off at the last possible moment. They did this to all expat women, and certainly Afghan women have plenty of their own harassment and sexual abuse much worse to share about.

The physical and sexual harassment was constant. It was rarely a peaceful experience to walk the streets. When I went out, it was because I had to and simply could not delegate the errand to my guard.  My experience was common to many other women.

It was one of those hot days when I was walking fully veiled on the streets of Kabul, ignoring the harassment coming my direction, that I realized I was tasting just a tiny bit of what oppressive racism felt like.  There was nothing I could do to change my skin color or gender, and that meant that I could not change how Afghans viewed me on the street.

God! This is what it feels like to live in a culture where White Supremacy doesn't reign. 

What is it like to live 24/7 at the bottom of the power curve? 
What is it like to be a citizen of a nation that is at the bottom of the "Global Power Curve?"  

We White Westerners cannot fathom this "way of seeing, this perspective of reading the Bible."

God's people are there, at the bottom of the power curve, and they are crying out, "How long O Lord will you look away from our pain?" 

Unreached people cry out, "There is no hope!  Only despair!"  

How insensitive I've been to the oppression many African Americans experience. I also immediately knew how truly tiny my recognition-through-experience really was.  At any moment, I had the power to use my credit card and get myself out of there back to where I could comfortably live in my home culture where Whites hold most of the power.

Most people living in oppressive cultures don't have the power I had to change my situation by leaving Afghanistan.

In Afghanistan, I had a taste, just a tiny tiny taste, of what it may feel like for my African-American sisters on just a few levels. When the flash of recognition came that I was experiencing the oppressiveness and powerlessness and indignity akin to racism, I also knew immediately that even with what I was experiencing, it was nothing compared to what African slaves experienced in my home country and what many non-whites experience to this day.

What would it be like to read the Bible from the perspective of those who have no power in society, who are deemed as expendable, who deal with issues of discrimination in four primary areas: gender, race, class, and language?

It's a dirty little secret in the missions world that even missionaries can be racist. Let's be honest, all of us, whatever our skin color, usually gravitate "to our kind" due to comfort level.  I don't think that's automatically bad.  It is sinful, however, when we refuse to lift others up because we minister out of a unconscious (or conscious) view that "our way is better."

When skin color and/or ethnicity is the dividing line of "whose way is better" ....that is racism, cultural colonialism, and theological imperialism. 

I saw first hand white NGO workers treat Afghan believers not as equals, but from a top-down partiarchal, white supremecist approach.  It's the equivalent of Western Christianity Colonialism all over again, in the name of Christ, of course (sarcasm).

God's Spirit and His Word offer a different way. A way of listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit in each situation. A way of viewing the other as a brother or sister, seeing first not what makes us different but what binds us together. A way of recognizing God's image stamped in the other.

God forgive us in how we treat others who are not like us. Help us to have increased sensitivity to those who carry the legacy of being on the receiving end of white oppression, and to lift up all those who have been down trodden. Forgive us for the horrible sins our fathers and mothers committed against Africans and all those not from Caucasian backgrounds. Forgive us for our own sins of abuse and lack of awareness of racism in our own lives. Help us all to truly be God's family, seeing each other as brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. 

Reading: 
(Disclaimer: You most likely won't and nor do I agree with all the theology of the authors below. However, these authors will help you understand much more about living in oppression, persecution, and what it feels like for so many of the unreached people groups in the world who have no power to change anything about their situation.  

Take the risk to pick up something outside your normal theological worldview and be challenged to consider the views of the African American experience in light of the oppression and persecution of many missionaries and people groups where you serve.)

Robert Kelleman and Susan Ellis Sacred Friendships, chapter 12, "Voices of Healing: African American Women of Faith."
Howard Thurman Jesus and the Disinherited
Dorothy S. Williams Sisters in the Wilderness
James. H Cone The Cross and the Lynching Tree

Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work

I think back to my earliest experience of sexual harassment.  A young man saw my fully-clothed-shadow through an opaque window and said something that caused me to jump in fright and sob for a full 2 hours afterward. I never forgot what he said and my response as a young teen girl.

I remember almost being raped...twice in Russia.

I remember how many times an Afghan man walked or bicycled by me on the street, whispering something inappropriate to me, just loud enough for me to hear but not loud enough for my husband to hear.

I remember the numerous times being brushed against on my backside or front side when in the bazaar, whether Bombay (Mumbai), Kabul, Islamabad, Peshawar, London.

I remember the time a single missionary colleague made a comment that made me incredibly uncomfortable. I told my husband and made sure to never be alone in the same room with that man again.

I remember how many times men's phone cameras were pointed in my direction.

I remember how many times the taxi driver stared at me while he drove. I made a point to always get in the side of the taxi where he couldn't easily see me in his rear view mirror and purchased mirrored sunglasses which I use to this day.  If the eyes are the window to one's soul, I wasn't going to let just any man look at my eyes.

I remember how many times I felt stripped naked by men's eyes walking the streets of Central Asia, and my sickness in my stomach when I saw them begin to look at my cute little 6 year old girl.

Sexual harassment was a regular, almost daily experience for all women on the street - expatriate and Afghan women.  It was one of our "low stress" risk experiences, because it was so common and so frequent we had to learn to deal with it in order to persevere.  And of course, the men who knew us, who we worked with, were not like that in the office.  It was a street and bazaar experience.

Of course we women all over the world experience sexual harassment, and much, much worse. See my blog post on Women's Bodies as Battlefield. 

It's the fruit of humankind choosing to go our own way, and the resulting millenia of war between men and women.

Not God's design or plan.

A right expectation of unregenerated mankind is that this abuse of women will continue, especially among unreached people groups, but even in the Paris subway.

What will it look like between us when His Kingdom comes in full? 

In a time in history when European and American women are speaking up about sexual harassment and abuse, it seems we are not equipping our young people at the pre-field level for the amount of sexual harassment they will experience whether on the subway in Paris or the bazaar of Afghanistan.

In many countries, no amount of speaking up, no amount of female empowerment, no amount of going to the police will really do anything other than to get the woman jailed and/or thrown out of the country (UAE, for example, among many, many other Arab/Muslim countries). We can pass all the laws we want. We can be like the French and make "wolf whistling" illegal. It's not going to change men's hearts and inner purity. 

That doesn't mean a woman shouldn't do something.  

I've been told recently by a team leader that her Millenials are not coming with resilience to deal with sexual harassment on the subway.  They are asking for trauma counseling after a man rubs up against her.  The female leader responded with some practical equipping: Step on his feet, and yell loudly at him to stop.

So again I ask, in the pursuit of giving our lives to furthering Christ's kingdom in dark areas, what will cause you to panic, to melt?

Here are some suggestions for what I did and many other women did in Afghanistan. Consider some of the following for Cross-Cultural Work (In cultures where local men do not know Christ):

1. Emotional Resilience and Perspective - being able to handle hardship without melting.  It doesn't mean you ignore sexual harassment, but it doesn't send you in to a total meltdown.  I'm talking about the everyday stuff here - a man rubbing against you, a wolf whistle, a look. Keep the harassment "outside" of your core.  Your body, while yours, is an objectified body, which means often the harassment is not personal, it's to your body, which doesn't Totally define YOU. You are more than your body. What they do to your body, they do to Christ's Body. It's wrong, and should not happen. 

2. Discernment between everyday type harassment and injurious harassment that requires trauma help, counseling, and further intervention. We would agree that if a rape occurs on field, it is often best to leave the field to get the necessary trauma and medical help.  There's a scale of sexual harassment - from the look all the way to the rape. 

3. A person to regularly "offload" the bad culture days - the days when you experience sexual harassment. As one veteran woman reminded me after I told her about one particular bad experience I had just had, she said, "Let it roll of your back."  Again, it was an experience with an Afghan man on the street - it would be a different response if it was a Christian man.

4. Physical Equipping  - my daughter will not leave my home when she is 18 without being skilled in this: Krav Maga Self Defense for women. I'm making sure to get this training (1-day) before my next international trip.   Get some pepper spray.  Learn to keep your keys and phone handy, with an emergency number typed in at the top of your phone list. Get a boat horn - noise will often make an attacker stop.

5. Practical Equipping - get the local women to tell you in local language what to say when a man harasses you on the street. My favorite line is said with dripping sarcasm and disrespect:  "You Son of A Donkey." If you forget your language in the stress of the moment, just say it in English (or your primary language) and they WILL understand. Non-verbals cross-culture.

In shame-honor cultures, use shame to your advantage.  "Don't you have a mother, a sister?" or "I'm a good Christian woman."  etc.

I quite often would scold Muslim men for how they were treating me.  Workers often use the "turn the other cheek" incorrectly.  Sometimes, often, we need to point out evil and injustice, if not for our own souls for our children watching.

Of course, do dress appropriately, but I quickly realized it truly didn't matter what I wore - on the street in Afghanistan, women are fair game, apparently.  So I veiled like the most conservative local women to minimize attention to myself.

If a situation seems to be moving into a rape situation, consider rebuking the demon of rape.  One of the 2 times I was almost raped this was what came to mind and worked. The other time I simply fled.

As far as dealing with Christian men:

6. Don't engage in Salem Witch Trials behavior - don't accuse men of sexual harassment for the slightest thing.  State your boundaries clearly and keep them. Keep a personal boundary around yourself with what you are comfortable.  You can do side hugs or just an outstretched hand.

7. Keep a detailed journal. If you are having problems with Christian men, Christian workers, keep a journal of details of what happened. THIS will help if/when you are in a court of law.

8. Do Speak up, and Do attempt to confront, Biblically. Get help if possible. Don't tolerate sexual harassment, abuse, or assault.  Some agencies now use "Red Flag Reporting" or some other ethic reporting service.

Don't confuse behavior from men who follow Jesus and unregenerated men in the cultures we are trying to reach. 

We women need to have a different standard of response to different men in different situations.

Learn to discern the difference, and what to do when you are treated wrongly by men who profess to follow Christ. This blog post is primarily focused on dealing with unregenerated men. If you are a woman headed into an abrasive culture, and you have sexual trauma in your past, consider if your are truly recovered enough to be able to handle it.  It's OK if you decide you can't.

I do know of one woman who had been severely raped prior to coming to the field, and she had recovered and had perspective that she was able to do very well in Afghanistan despite the challenges for women. It is possible to heal from sexual trauma, but don't "beat yourself up" if you realize you can't.  We are human beings and are limited.  Have compassion on yourself.

What we do and say and how we conduct ourselves communicates to the next generation of women how we view ourselves.

We are daughters of The King. 

Related Posts

Women's Bodies as Battlefield - conservative Evangelicals highest domestic violence rate in USA.

Christianized Purdah
#silence is not spiritual
response to #missionarywomentoo
#missionarywomentoo
What if the Good Samaritan was an Orthodox Sunni Muslim Woman?
Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work
Women with a Wartime Mentality
A Tribute to the Single Woman Missionary
Androcentric Translation: A Poem

Organized Syrian Resistance

Apparently there is a lull today in the battle for control of Idlib, the loci of the battle between the various Syrian factions, ISIS, Russian, Turkey, Iran, and the USA.  Each have different interests and reasons for being there.

In the meantime, 3 million civilians are caught in the middle, 1 million of whom are children.

The battle for Idlib is predicted to be possibly the "worst humanitarian disaster of the Syrian war." (1)

Why is there a battle looming in Idlib? According to this source:

The province is the last major stronghold of the rebel and jihadist groups which have been trying to overthrow Mr Assad for the past seven years.The UN says Idlib is home to some 2.9 million people, including 1 million children. Almost half of the civilians in Idlib come from other previously rebel-held parts of Syria from which they either fled, or were evacuated. (2)

While the world's powers battle over Idlib, there is some encouraging news.  Something awe-inspiring.  It's an organized Syrian Resistance.  They are called:

Civil Resistance Against Extremism.  Their web page is: https://24cr.org

They are a highly networked group spread out across the country, with the goal of organized resistance against extreme Islamic groups aiming to take over the country, village by village.

Shariah law (extremist Islam) is hell on earth and cannot peacefully co-exist in a democratic society or republic. The Syrians know this, which is why they are risking their own lives for their children, grandchildren, their very way of Syrian life, their future, by working to actively expel the Islamic fanatics from among their midst.

Here is what 24CR says about the organized extremist attempts to take over their country, starting in Idlib:

it became clear to us that the society was systematically being radicalized by the extremists. Therefore, we began the monitoring of their actions across Syria, from Dier Ezzor in the east to rural Latikia to the west. Their actions and the way they are structured is the same and they only differ in some roots based on their popularity within the local community, and to what extent they rely on the locals to maintain their control. This has also led us to adopt different strategies for each society, as we cannot use all tactics and methods in a specific area and apply them to other areas without taking into account the local environments and differences. After one year and a half of serious and continuous efforts, we in the 24CR have a clear stance on the importance of such work due to being close to the local communities.

Make no mistake - from the spiritual perspective, there is a war going on in unseen realms for the very minds and hearts for the people of Idlib as well as all of Syria. 

Pray for those Syrians who have become followers of Jesus due to the war - all those across Syria and the diaspora in the bordering refugee camps to be bold in helping, bold in sharing, and to experience God's presence as this long, weary war marches on.

• Pray for the 24CR resistance.  
• Pray for sanity to return. 
• Pray for the war to end and for a free Syrian people. 
• Pray for the destruction of ISIS.
• Pray for the restoration of Syria. 
• Pray for Syrians, including the brave men and women of 24CR, to know their true Messiah, Isa Masi. 

(1) https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/sep/12/the-human-price-of-inaction-and-action-in-syria-turkey-and-libya
(2) https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-45403334

Endurance in the Wilderness While Waiting and Hoping

Neal and Anna Hampton, Devotional Teachers

July 2018

Annual Conference for Global Workers from Middle East & North Africa

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done 
the will of God you may receive what is promised. 
Hebrews 10:36  

The original audience of these messages are global workers ministering in "front-line" areas where the challenges are unlike what is faced by Western Churches.  These are typically unreached areas where the host people are resistant to the Gospel message and the potential for great trial, persecution and loss are high while at the same time the potential for amazing Eternal Fruit is also very high.

Neal preached two messages "Endurance" and "Waiting" and Anna preached "Wilderness" and "Hoping."  They have two very different styles!

To access Neal and Anna's audio presentations please write to me or use the blogger form on the side panel to request the pre-formatted email with all 4 links. Please briefly introduce yourself.

Neal: Endurance (26 minutes)
Power Point 

Hebrews 10:36 "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised."

Neal's style is to share half a story at the beginning of a sermon or teaching, and share the second half towards the end of the sermon.  In the case of this conference, he shared half of two stories in "Endurance" and the other portions in "Waiting."  If you want to hear really cool God-stories, listen to both his presentations!

Anna: Wilderness (23 minutes)
Power Point 

Isaiah 35:1-10  "Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you."

Neal: Waiting (32.28 minutes)
Power Point 

Psalm 130:5-6 ““I wait for the LORD,  my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

Anna: Hoping (33.14 minutes)
Power Point 

Lamentations 3:24 "The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will have hope in him."

In this talk, Anna introduces the Cycle of Hope and the Cycle of Despair in mission work.  She uses Jeremiah's raw discussion with God as a template of how we can talk to God when we are in pain.

Discerning the Reason for Tears

The Biblical discussion of discernment includes Hebrews 5:14.

"But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil."

So what is discernment? Heschel defines it as:

"knowing what you see, not seeing what you know."(1)

A deep spiritual principle is that as one is transformed more closely to Christ, it becomes even harder to discern good from evil. This is counter-intuitive.

But Paul teaches in 2 Cor 11:14 our enemy disguises himself as an angel of light. Those who see God's light more clearly have to discern light from Him as opposed to light from our enemy.  That which appears good may in fact be the enemy of the excellent. Our enemy is not opposed to using that which is good for his own deceptive ends.

The enemy doesn't bother which such tricks with those who are not really a threat. In risk, discerning good from evil is at times not easy.  Reality is confusing, and discernment of reality in the midst of threats and confusion is a crucial skill.

So we need to practice our ability to discern good from evil in all areas. One way to do this is described by Watchmen Nee:

Our ability to know the spirit in another person does not come from books, or from the experiences of older saints, but from our personal dealings before God. It may be that you sense something moving in another's spirit and feel uneasy about it; yet you fail to know why it is so. This is because the spiritual judgment you may have acquired thus far is inadequate." 

But at that point, we can pray and ask God to reveal the reality of reality, and He may deem us ready for it at that time. According to Watchmen Nee, in his book, Spiritual Discernment,  part of discernment is being able to see behind someone's tears and understand why they are crying.

"We need a workable spirit by which to diagnose another's spirit...The more dealings we receive before God, the more discernment we will have.

Spiritual insight is different from picking out faults in yourself or in another. You must not just sense it, you must also be able to explain it.

In the case of weeping, is it because of self-love, because of pain, or because of being broken by God?...Some people do not know how to weep. This is due to their lack of feeling."

When someone is crying, it is helpful to discern what the root reason for their tears is instead of assuming you know.

In other words, do not be easily swayed by tears. 

This doesn't mean to develop a callous heart, but sometimes we can be fooled into believing a person is truly repenting when they instead are crying because they were "caught."

When someone is crying, it is better to simply ask, "Why are you crying?" to elicit information for you and for themselves. It's possible a person doesn't know why they are crying! However, just because you ask, doesn't mean they will be able to be honest. Some are embarrassed for why they are crying.  We need to become trustworthy people, people of sanctuary, of quiet presence, for others to be able to let down their guard and reveal their innermost hearts.

As a friend you can help them engage in self-reflection so they can figure out the reason for their tears.

1. Actual grief over sin leading to repentance.
2. Deep emotion - extreme anger, sadness or grief, something or someone beautiful or awe inspiring
3. Oops! I got caught.
4. Physical pain

Can you think of another reason people cry not included here?


(1) Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Prophets.

Narcissistic Family System Patterns and the Individual

It's not uncommon on a mission team to experience "the crazy cycle" with an individual and not know or be able to figure out why that person behaves the way they do. But individuals who come from a narcissistic family system can actually become somewhat understandable and predicable in their patterns of relating.

Family system theory was a required class in my Master's degree, and I never forgot its impact on my interpretation of understanding people.

We are not isolated individuals, but a product of our community, our family systems, our personality, and of our relationship with Christ and the difference He has made (and can make) regenerating us. A family system by definition is a deeply engrained pattern of behavior and viewing of others within the family system.

Thus, when we understand something about a narcissistic family system, and discover that person's role within the system, we'll understand more about their conflict style, relational reactivity, and past wounding. 


Family Systems Theory was developed by Dr. Murray Bowen.

He states: (1)

Family systems theory is a theory of human behavior that views the family as an emotional unit and uses systems thinking to describe the complex interactions in the unit. It is the nature of a family that its members are intensely connected emotionally. Often people feel distant or disconnected from their families, but this is more feeling than fact. A change in one person’s functioning is predictably followed by reciprocal changes in the functioning of others. Families differ somewhat in the degree of interdependence, but it is always present to some degree.

Another website summarizes family systems theory this way:

A family is a system in which each member had a role to play and rules to respect. Members of the system are expected to respond to each other in a certain way according to their role, which is determined by relationship agreements. Within the boundaries of the system, patterns develop as certain family member's behavior is caused by and causes other family member's behaviors in predictable ways. Maintaining the same pattern of behaviors within a system may lead to balance in the family system, but also to dysfunction. For example, if a husband is depressive and cannot pull himself together, the wife may need to take up more responsibilities to pick up the slack. The change in roles may maintain the stability in the relationship, but it may also push the family towards a different equilibrium. This new equilibrium may lead to dysfunction as the wife may not be able to maintain this overachieving role over a long period of time.

Dr. Bowen described Eight Significant and Interconnected Aspects to his theory: (2)

• Triangles: The smallest stable relationship system. Triangles usually have one side in conflict and two sides in harmony, contributing to the development of clinical problems.
• Differentiation of self: The variance in individuals in their susceptibility to depend on others for acceptance and approval.
• Nuclear family emotional system: The four relationship patterns that define where problems may develop in a family.
      - Marital conflict
      - Dysfunction in one spouse
      - Impairment of one or more children
      - Emotional distance
• Family projection process: The transmission of emotional problems from a parent to a child.
• Multigenerational transmission process: The transmission of small differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their children. 
• Emotional cutoff: The act of reducing or cutting off emotional contact with family as a way managing unresolved emotional issues.
• Sibling position: The impact of sibling position on development and behavior.
• Societal emotional process: The emotional system governs behavior on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society.

The differentiation of individuals is concisely described by Peter Scazzero in his book, "Emotionally Health Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature While Remaining Emotionally Immature

Differentiation is a wake-up call to those who are just becoming aware of the Narcissistic Family System.  But also of supreme importance is to overlay the dysfunctional roles delineated by Weischeider (1981) with the roles in a narcissistic family environment with Family Systems Theory and ruthlessly examine the negative and dysfunctional patterns in one's life.

The Enneagram is a very helpful tool to become aware of this - after you've worked through books like Scazzeros and "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Travis Bradberry. The entire process should not be hurried, as it takes time to understand all these concepts and become watchful of one's emotions (or lack of them, which is also a problem).

In an Age of Narcissism, (3) increasingly the Narcissistic Family System is the norm rather than the exception.  When the system is found within a religious family system (any religion), the unspoken rules and values governing acceptable behavior are even more complex.

The book by Anisha Durve discusses the impact of Hinduism on her experience of a narcissistic marriage she was finally able to get free from. She also discusses the impact of culture and unspoken religious rules on behavior (termed Religious Behaviorism.)"

So while the family system has a huge impact on how an individual will relate to others, it's important to also apply this information to a narcissist operating within a ministry or missions team situation.

(1) https://thebowencenter.org/theory/
(2) https://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/
(3) The Rise of Narcissism; Generation Me;
The Narcissism Epidemic

Observations of Life in America After A Year

Our family has lived most of two decades in Islamic cultures, moving in international circles, interacting with folks from all walks of life from villagers to ministers, from guards to ambassadors, from the lowest ethnic group to most powerful ethnic group.

Our kids never had an American soccer (futbol) coach until our last year in Turkey. They learned soccer under the coaching of an Afghan, Brazilian, Egyptian, Russian, Turk, and finally from an American.

Being coached whether in soccer or Turkish ice hockey from men from shame/honor cultures has afforded unique experiences for our teens.  They've been publicly shamed by their coach for not performing as well as he wanted, which gave us opportunity to explain the differences in how an American coach from a Truth/Guilt culture would interact with them publicly.  We would say they've grown from these experiences in sensitivity to other cultures and how to respond to different coaching cultures.

We've also observed American culture now for a year, and share some thoughts about ourselves and the culture we observe in 2017-2018 in light of our past 20+ years of cross-cultural ministry experience:

1. The American church tends to speak in a way we've termed "Bumper Sticker Theology," also known as "Sound-bite-fear-driven-syncretistic-theology. In other words, short quotes, whether verses or sayings that speak to American Christian fears of the world, mixed in with nationalism and certain political leanings.

It's easy to be judgmental, but we understand the fear that pervades Americans. It's human nature to be afraid of what isn't understood (Islam, for example).  There's also a lot of national loss and unresolved national grief: loss to the old ways, loss of freedom from fear of terrorism, loss of innocent of our young people due to school shootings, and much more.

We are learning to respond with ways that "salt the oats" to stimulate more conversation. The world isn't black and white - there is much more gray and mystery.

God is not defined by a White, Wealthy, American, Evangelical, Patriarchal, politically conservative theological box. He is a cloud and a pillar of fire. He will not be tamed by one view.

2. Topics of Conversation.  There is a difference in the topics and needs of the American Church versus the suffering (global) Church. The problems facing the American Church in general and the topics of every day social conversation tend to focus more on theology that stem from 1st world (wealthy) church problems.

American Christians aren't facing suffering, persecution and death tomorrow like many Christians around the world, so they have the luxury of time and energy to debate issues that the global church doesn't.  As global workers returning "home" it means our expectations have to change in how we respond to American Church needs versus global church needs, and love His Bride well no matter where we are. 

3. We've changed, and sometimes have felt the disapproval and lack of acceptance by people in our community.  Change causes discomfort, and that's natural. How can we graciously and humbly "bridge" relationally to folks in our passport culture and accept them, even when we don't feel accepted, understood or known?

4. Having a global versus local view of the world means we are lonely sometimes when in situations where the local views dominate or there's unawareness of the global view. God is with us in our loneliness and loneliness is a byproduct of our calling.

5. Values of time and money - for example, we simply won't spend money on watering our grass. We really could care less about the grass, except in terms of maintaining enough front-yard appearance to keep neighbors happy. We'd prefer to "zero-scape" the front lawn...but that takes more time and money we don't want to spend right now!

In many other ways, we make decisions that we realize may disappoint folks, but we remain strategically laser focused on the ministry God calls us to and we simply don't have the energy, time and margin for all the social and other requests that come in. We've accepted that we will disappoint people.

6. Quality of life - There are some aspects of life in the USA that surprisingly are not as good as lesser developed countries. For example, vegetables are abundantly available year 'round but sub par in taste and quality to many other countries (they still look fresh after 10 days in the 'fridge!!!); cellular phone service is simply not as good as Europe, medical help is better, friendlier, faster, and cheaper in other countries where competition is allowed and insurance and malpractice is not a driving factor in cost and treatment.

7. At the local town meeting, folks were upset that the electricity had been out in the past year.

Twice.
For an hour.

Oi.

Even though we've lived in the land of abundant electricity, clean water, good roads, and many other blessings, it has been the most difficult home-leave and year in our family's life, I am still choosing gratitude to be in the USA right now. However, I hope and pray that God will allow us the privilege to live overseas again one day.

In the meantime, I am praying and working towards the peace and prosperity (socially, emotionally, mentally, physically, and especially spiritually) of the city and communities I engage in. Pray for our family as we can continue to help our teenagers transition and thrive in a difficult place (America) as they prepare to launch into adulthood.

Thinking About Suffering...

How should we write a Theology of Suffering Statement? It's common for me to be asked about the connections between risk and suffering, a topic I'm just a beginner in and don't feel that I really have an answer for.  But here are some beginning thoughts on writing a theology of suffering statement for those facing cross-cultural risk. 

Asking "How to write a Theology of Suffering (TOS) is not a simple question, especially when a team knows first-hand the realities of the type of suffering that possibly lay ahead.

Thinking about suffering is such hard work and involves facing pain and fear.  My answer would have been different in any year before this year!

When it comes to suffering and writing a statement on suffering that will sustain me, I think the first thing I need to do is think through my deepest biggest fear.

That tells me two important things:

•     What aspect of God do I need to meditate on and also have the hardest time trusting in?

•     What aspect of me in my relationship with myself do I need to pay attention to? What are my weaknesses, because that is usually related to my fear, and that is exactly how the enemy will attack me in suffering. It is also the point where God will allow pain to enter to transform me into more of His likeness. Therefore, self-awareness and knowing oneself is supremely important, especially in constant life-and-death situations where people must endure well for days, weeks, and months on end for Kingdom purposes.

If I wrote a statement right now, I’m fairly certain for me I’d turn to Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar’s quote (see my last chapter), and spend time thinking through how that would influence a statement I would write for myself. 

As a starting point, Neal and I wrote our Theology of Risk (TOR) statement back in 2000 before we first went to Afghanistan.(It is possible a TOS and TOR statement could be the same, but some may feel the need to write a unique for each. Do what you feel works for you).

It is based on Hebrews 11:35-38:

Our Purpose is to live by simple trust and confidence in Him, unflinching, un-awed and un-dismayed by the troubles we may face, holding staunchly to our calling and enduring steadfastly with our gaze fixed on Him.

My biggest fear has changed since I lived in Afghanistan.  It used to be more related to just rape or kidnapping.  Sometimes the passion and ignorance of youth and nationalistic fervor makes us immune to the very real and present dangers.  However, God’s grace is amazing in that!

No, my fear now is that I will not remain faithful to Him under persecution and deny Him (Matt 10:33). 

I’ve told Kayla Mueller’s story so many times as a modern day martyr, but it makes me wonder if I could do it. She was kidnapped, regularly raped, and tortured but remained faithful. For her, her TOS statement seemed to come down to the Shema as quoted by Jesus Christ. I include here her story as I have pieced it together from media reports and have shared her story publicly to thousands.

A modern day martyr, Kayla Mueller:

“I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how you are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek you,”Kayla wrote in a letter to her father in 2011. “I will always seek God. Some people find God in church. Some people find God in nature. Some people find God in love; I find God in suffering. I’ve known for some time what my life’s work is, using my hands as tools to relieve suffering,” she wrote.

Images of children suffering in the early stages of Syria’s ongoing civil war prompted Mueller to leave her home in Arizona, in December 2012 to help refugees. She found the work heartbreaking but compelling. Mueller was captured by ISIS on Aug. 4, 2013, in Aleppo, Syria — ten days before her 25th birthday.

She was given to the senior leader of ISIS at the time as a war trophy. She was held with three Yazidi women, and they were all systematically raped by him. They all had an opportunity to escape, so Kayla urged them to go without her, knowing without the language and as a foreigner she could easily cause them to get caught.  They escaped with her letters.

She was a hostage for 18 months and killed in early 2015. Besides raping her repeatedly, there were reports of torture. The very hands meant to relieve suffering experienced horrifying suffering as they ripped out her nails.  I suspect the torture had to do with her being pressured to convert to Islam.

Most Christians working among Muslims experience pressures to convert as well. The reason I suspect she was being pressured to convert is because of the very last thing she wrote to her parents was a clear declaration of her allegiance.

Kayla quoted Jesus Christ, who was quoting the Shema of Deut 6, which is the exact opposite of the recitation of the Islamic Creed.

Mark 12:28-30. "The first of all the commandments is hear O Israel, the Lord thy God is one Lord. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind and with all thy strength. This is the first commandment.”

Kayla Mueller, a young woman of 24 years, our sister in Christ, Courageous and faithful to the end.

I have found two helpful guides on understanding internal suffering.  The first is from Mother Teresa, in her book “Come Be My Light.” Her experience was extremely unique and her type of experience is shared by only three other Christian saints in the past 2000 years (that I've found so far).

However, what is more typical is the principle: “What is most personal to me is usually most universal to people.”   In other words, for those living authentically and willing to admit it, what fear I have is very likely what fear the other has.  But we only know that when we can share vulnerably in a safe environment.

So the characteristic of a theology of suffering statement or statement of conviction on suffering should be a short statement (1-3 sentences) that energizes and refocuses one quickly when needing to face pain in the next moment.  I like how another mentor of mine described it (sorry – the quote is long):

“My sin and my gift were two sides of the same coin, but if I hadn’t done the work of taming my gift, I know it would have destroyed me. Energy is one of the most precious gifts God has given us, and we don’t want to waste it by being drawn into negativity. All of our energy should be used for reconciliation. We always have a choice. We can either expend natural, constructive energy that comes from an intentional focus on Christ, a willing attitude, creative work, and regular exercise, or we can expend negative energy, which comes from self-pity, bitterness, and resentment.

When we are living on natural energy, we will get tired but we won’t burn out. That kind of energy is easily replenished by rest and exercise. There is another form of energy that arises with fear. The adrenaline created is meant to be used strictly for crisis situations, so if we constantly run on that energy, we will find ourselves depleted and exhausted. Either energy can be used within the circumstances God has placed us, but one will lead to life and renewed energy and the other will lead to death and burnout.”

So she redirected her negative energy by quietly stepping back into the gentle, transforming silence of attentiveness, paying attention to what she was feeling and surrendering those feelings to God.”

By Kitty Crenshaw and Catherine Snapp, from “The Hidden Life: Revelations from a Holy Journey”

Understanding and experience the spiritual direction of one's soul, paying attention to the movements of the soul will help in thinking through the suffering statements needed to face danger.

The Holy Spirit will be faithful to help us know what is needed right now for the tasks He has given each of us.

Belly-Shaking Laughter in Kenya

Two grueling 8-hour-each flights there. Two grueling 8-hour-each flights back...all in the space of 7 days.

Four intense days, including 2 days facilitating the RAM Training with one of only a few indigenous sending mission organizations in Kenya: Africans sending Africans to unreached people groups in 3 countries!

Our newest RAM Trainers are amazing facilitators with both experience and gifting in facilitating. What a joy to work with Esther and Eliud!

God answered a life-long prayer for me personally while I was there and He answered a question I've been asking Him for at least ten years now.

The RAM Training was deeply encouraging to our African Family-in-Christ, and I love how His Spirit binds us together even when we are newly acquainted.

The last night we were at the training facility in Nairobi, I could relax and sit with my African sisters-now-friends. 

We traded stories and laughed together.

Belly-shaking-laughter. 

The kind that heals the soul and reminds one of Heaven. 

Laughter and friendship that crosses culture because people who know how to face risk and death also know how to laugh; because Kenyans are fun people; because we have the same Spirit, the same Mind, the same Vision and Purpose, the same Lord.

I missed them before I even said goodbye...Those warrior-women-for-Christ, going back to their fields of service among the unreached for love of people and our King. 

Three Giant Enemies of the Soul

Part of spiritual maturity and spiritual wisdom is alert watchfulness of one's own soul.  It requires paying attention to the movements of the soul, to whether one is in a state of consolation or desolation.

This is termed discrimination, or discernment of the spirits:

...the ability to distinguish between thoughts and feelings inspired by God and those inspired by the devil and those of our own free will.

Am I moving towards or away from God in my mind, feelings, and will (soul)? 

This is what the Bible calls "guarding your heart."

"Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows the springs of life." 

Proverbs 4:23

 What are we guarding our hearts from? 

The three powerful giant enemies of the soul have been spoken of by our church fathers and Gods' Word for thousands of years:  Forgetfulness; Sloth; and Ignorance.

The opposite of Forgetfulness is Specific Remembrance. 

The opposite of Sloth is Active Engagement

The opposite of Ignorance is Wise Knowledge

The Bible is clear on what we are to remember: 

• Deuteronomy 6:12 "Then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery." 
• Acts 20:35 "...remember the words of the Lord Jesus," 
• 2 Thessalonians 2:15 "So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter."

The Bible tells us to avoid sloth and engage in service of our King: 

• Proverbs 18:9 "Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys."
• Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men," 
• Romans 12:11 "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." 
• 1 Timothy 5:13 "Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not."
• Isaiah 56:10 "His watchmen are blind; they are all without knowledge; they are all silent dogs; they cannot bark, dreaming, lying down, loving to slumber.
• Acts 17:21 "Now all the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there would spend their time in nothing except telling or hearing something new."
• 2 Thessalonians 3:11 "For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies." 
• Hebrews 6:12 "So that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."
• Matthew 25:18 "But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money."

Wise Knowledge requires our active pursuit and discernment:

• Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children."
• 1 John 4:1 "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world."
• Acts 3:17 “And now, brothers, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did also your rulers."
• 1 Timothy 1:13 Though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief."

When we allow these three giants into our soul, the rest of self-indulgent narcissistic leanings flourish in our souls.  Many Christians are ignorant of these three giants and how to combat them.

Watchfulness, standing guard, means coming aware that one needs to be aware and alert, then attentiveness to the movements within the soul and discernment to correctly name what is happening.

With help from God above, a mentor or spiritual director experienced in such matters, and constant prayer, the Christ follower will be able to remain alert to which giants one is more susceptible to and how to close the spiritual door to their influences.

(Using what is helpful from the Philokalia and leaving the rest - just as with any tradition or denomination; No single culture, theologian, or denomination has a corner on interpretation of absolute truth).
*From Abba Mark's Letter to Nicolas, p. 199 of Volume 4 of Philokalia. 

Human Hesedness

 Hesed, חֶסֶד

We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. 

First we were loved, now we love. 

He loved us first.  

I John 4:19, The Message

• What does it mean to live every moment knowing first hand, experientially, that one is totally accepted, completely and unconditionally loved?  
• What is it like to experience undeserved kindness? 
• What is it like to be loved, even when I have failed, feel like a failure, and feel like everyone else seems to find me unloveable? 
• What is it like to be loved even when others have rejected me? 
• What is it like to have someone else simply enjoy me for me? 

These experiences of love and kindness are all too often uncommon experiences in our family relationships.  Most of us "perform" to get acceptance and love, and most of us give our approval and love to our loved ones by expressing "how proud we are of them" for their actions, for their successes.

Being loved unreservedly simply because we are is a life-altering experience.

Choosing to accept that love is even more transformational.  

Men and women who love like this are conduits of God's unconditional love and kindness.  In the Old Testament, His love is described with the word, "Hesed." It is found over 245 times and most often refers to God's unconditional loving kindness. This word is only found in Hebrew. There are no "cognates" in neighboring languages. In other words, no other god is described with lovingkindness.  He alone is a unique God above all gods.

Hesed  also has no exact English translation equivalent and is best explained through four related concepts: (1)

"First, hesed is benevolence toward another without prior obligation for demonstrating this act of kindness but within the context of some existing relationship.  Hesed begins with pure compassion within some already existing connection.  It might be bloodline, treaty, nation, tribe, group affiliation or any number of connections, but there must be some relationship between the parties. 

Secondly, once I experience hesed, it creates reciprocity.  When someone shows hesed toward me, I am then obligated to show it to him.

Third, hesed requires extension.  If I experience hesed, I am expected to pass it on to someone else.  I am expected to extend this experience toward another, not just respond to the person who started the chain.

Finally, it is obvious that hesed cannot be isolated to the individual.  Everything about hesed is relational. Hesed does not exist without community."

As Skip Moen also wrote, 

Hesed is experiencing the result of acting as God acts with regard to others, His creation and Him.   Love is a verb, a way of being in the world that fully embraces who we are together under the sovereign blessing of our Creator.

There is no biblical debate whatsoever that God is love. The only real question is whether or not we express the same quality...John equates our loving with knowing God’s love. It is fundamentally about others, not ourselves. According to John, if you can’t express benevolent compassion, trustworthy reciprocity and extended selflessness toward others, then you don’t know God’s love either."

Being loved by Neal has been and continues to be an experience of God's hesedness through Neal's hesedness towards me. Just as we love because He first loved us, so does Neal love well because of Christ's love for him and in him. 

The New Testament "mirror" reflecting that love in our human relationships is I Corinthians 13, where agape love is described. Agape is the Greek equivalent to the Hebrew Hesed.

• Commitment
• Loyalty
• Kindness
• Faithfulness
• Patience
• Reliable
• Humble
• Durable

God demonstrates these loving characteristics thoroughly to me through Neal. How grateful I am that God preserved our lives through so many dangerous years and we are enjoying middle age together!

Indulge me for sharing this on our wedding anniversary today. Words cannot express how grateful I am for how Neal has demonstrated God's hesedness towards me these past 20 years.

Emotionally Yours, Bob Dylan

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 

1 John 4:8 

Let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, 

that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; 

for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 9:24

(1) Applied Hesedness

Spiritual Nobility

Christian persecution and genocide is worse now than it has ever been in history. Christians in Afghanistan, Somalia, Sudan, Pakistan, North Korea, Libya, Iraq, Yemen, Iran, Egypt, and many other countries, are regularly imprisoned, tortured, beaten, raped, and martyred. Their churches are destroyed. Their houses burned. They meet and worship in secret, risking their lives in the process. They live every moment in constant danger.

About 215 million Christians face what is called “extreme persecution” for their faith. It’s estimated that around a million have been slaughtered since 2005. There is no way to know exactly how many. What we do know is that Christianity has been dramatically reduced in parts of the world where it had existed for nearly 2,000 years.(1)

To remain silent on the plight of the suffering Church around the world is blasphemous.(2)   Just as we (the Church) were silent for hundreds of years on slavery, as we were silent on the Holocaust unfolding in Germany, we seem to be collectively silent on the globally persecuted Church, especially when it is denominations not associated with ours.  

"Anti Semitism is Anti-Christianity, and Anti-Christianity is Anti-Semitism." (3) I would venture to add to Susanna's statement that "Anti-Any Christian group" is Anti-ALL Christians." 

Christians who have "siloed up" (Retreated to a defensive posture) are called to come to the spiritual awareness that we cannot do it alone, and we would be better equipped to join forces with all those who believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the only Savior of the world.

This broadens our ranks significantly, to include groups within the universal Catholic church including but not limited to all sub-groups within Protestantism, Coptics, 7th Day Adventists, the Catholic, Eastern Church, and more.

Do we agree on all issues, including baptism? Of course not.

But every issue of theological conflict is addressed by Jesus, Paul, Peter or John in the New Testament. The thief on the cross was not baptized but Jesus said he would receive him in Heaven.  

When facing the point of the gun for the sake of Jesus Christ, many theological issues that divide us on Sunday mornings are no longer relevant.

Has the consciousness of the Church become a stone-cold fossil?

Is mercy and compassion gone? 

Our inability to even care to be aware of the plight of brothers and sisters denied basic human rights and freedom to worship Christ says much more about our view of God and ourselves than it does about them.

To see these Christians who would rather be shot dead in the desert than renounce their faith is to see our own faith as a shabby, pitiful, hollow imitation...Christians in the East forfeit their lives rather than forfeit their souls, and we forfeit our souls even though we could quite easily retain both.(4)

Who might we become?  Here are some beginning thoughts on

Characteristics of Spiritually Noble People: 

1. They have moral grandeur, and are not morally cowardly. They are morally complex, understanding that very few issues are simple. Very little is "black and white."  They do not give simple answers to complex problems. But even more significantly, they discern the meaning behind historical events and the future spiritual and moral implications of what is said and done today. They are able to see within the events of history from an individual, family, community, national, and global perspective. They are not xenophobic, isolationists, or overly nationalistic. Every human is loved by God and reveals His reflection in some way.

2. Richness of Inner Lives - they are increasingly integrated and whole human beings. They demonstrate the pearl of the Kingdom of Heaven reactively, naturally, even when under extreme duress (See Amy Carmichael's If: When Do I Know of Calvary Love).  They can laugh at themselves, demonstrating an incredibly rich perspective of God's view of themselves and others. Most all people from all cultures are drawn to these types of people, because grace and humor exudes from every pore. They have an openness and transparency to their own brokenness and giftedness.

3. Kind - they are kind to all people, even those who are unkind and demeaning back; they are kind to those who are condescending in return. They know what "Tough Kindness" is as well. 

4. Open to Mystery - Not reductionistic. Faith, piety, belief, even truth are not reduced to psychological are philosophical terms. They can hold in tension what is known and what is not possible to know, and to discern the spiritual reality operating behind the physical world and experience.

5. Empathy with God's Heart - they understand the Divine Pathos (emotion), and their relationship with God is dynamic and growing. They are open to new spiritual thoughts, and recognize their own cultural theology that is holding them back from fuller transformation in relationship with the Trinity.

6. Empathy with Others - They realize that pity and sympathy are condescending. Empathy is being able to enter into another's world, often through the use of imaginative mentalization. This includes being able to see the intentions and heart of others, even when not agreeing with everything.

6. Emotionally Complex - They can feel two opposite feelings at the same time and not be destroyed. They know what it is to feel a broad range of emotions and the meanings of those emotions.They can hold in tension two extremes, even internally. 

7. Humble - They are restrained in mercy and power. They have the ability to identify and name their expectations of self, others, and God, and their own unmet expectations of self, others, and God.


(1) Christians In The East Lose Their Lives, But Christians In The West Are Losing Their Souls, Matt Walsh
(2) Paraphrasing Susanna Heschel in the forward to Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity by Abraham Heschel"
(3) Ibid, Kindle Location 208
(4) Ibid, #1, Matt Walsh

Twenty Years in the Other Direction = 40

Missed weddings
Missed births.
Missed baby dedications.
Missed graduations.
Missed Christmases, Easters, Mother's Days. 
Missed deaths.
Missed funerals.  I learned a friend died...a year after his death. I grieved alone.

There is a price we all pay for a lifetime call to overseas missions.  
People back home went 20 years one direction; We went 20 years in the other.

Culture, Theology, Philosophy, Foods, Clothing, Modesty, Music, Time Management, Language, Values, Politics, Health, History, Boundaries, Music, Cooking, Lifestyle...Richly influenced by other cultures, ways of living, ways of viewing the world, forty years now separate us.

Home. Where is it?  

My idioms are all messed up in English now.

It is only when we step outside of our culture, and begin to learn to see through another's eyes, that we can better "see" our own. Many cultures view themselves as superior, and many nations engage in nationalistic idolatry - binding together one particular political view point or party with "God's way."

This is not new, of course. "As it was in the age of the prophets, so it is in nearly every age; we all go mad, not only individually, but also nationally." (1) 

As we begin to understand how we've changed, we recognize what a blessing it is to see from multiple perspectives, to understand our home culture with increased dispassion, and to share the significance of those differences with others. 

"All the churches of Jesus Christ, scattered in diverse cultures, have been redeemed for God by the blood of the Lamb to form one multicultural community of faith.  The ‘blood’ that binds them as brothers and sisters is more precious than the ‘blood,’ the language, the customs, political allegiances, or economic interests that may separate them.  We reject the false doctrine, as though a church should place allegiance to the culture it inhabits and the nation to which it belongs above the commitment to brothers and sisters from other cultures and nations, servants of the one Jesus Christ, their common Lord, and members of God’s new community.” (2)

(1) Heschel, The Prophets
(2) Miroslav Volf, Christian Cultural Identity

Going Into the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Beloved, our Cause is a worthy and noble one, for we serve the King of Kings.  

 “We will be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like a mensch, and be strong.” 

1 Cor 16:13 JCB

We fight a tenacious and cunning enemy whose mission is to kill and destroy 

all humankind. 

"Then the dragon became furious with the woman and went off to make war on the rest of her offspring, on those who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus."

Revelation 12:17

So we are called 

to go out 

and fight Evil, 

to share the Good News

which is a call to physically go and serve

in dark and dirty and dangerous places

a call to ongoing spiritual warfare

a call to mental resilience

and emotional maturity.

It is not an easy call.

 It includes great loss, 

deep grief, 

sickness, 

and pain; 

We give up "Possibilities of success" in other endeavors, 

all for the sake of knowing Christ and making Him known. 

Because 

We will not sit by and passively accept evil; 

nor will we ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. 

We will call evil by its name and exercise spiritual authority over it.  

The weapons of our warfare have divine power to crush enemy strongholds.

We are protected by the armor of God and weapons of light,

which is Christ.

We will keep steady in faith

in God’s power

which gives us victory

over the powers of darkness.

Yahweh says this to you, 

“Do not be afraid, do not be daunted by this vast horde; this battle is not yours but God’s.”

(2 Chronicles 20:15-17)

This day, 

this place, 

this generation, 

we are resolved

to engage in battle and fight and destroy 

the Gates of Hell in our neighborhoods, 

wherever and whenever we see them

by bringing the cup of cold water of His peace and His Love.

We engage the powers of darkness using Christ's power in us and through us to rescue men, women, and children who have been taken captive, 

whether from

the Tambora slums of Jakarta,   

the militarized Kabul city, 

San Pedro Sula's murder capital of the world,

Vermont covered in a haze of drugs,

Angola and Burundi stricken with drought,

Tallinn, a place of drug and human trafficking

the unsafe areas of Europe where refugees fight for survival, 

a world gone mad with drugs and guns and leaders drunk on power, death and destruction; 

We go together, as brothers and sisters of His Family 

which places no value on the shade of skin color

or the shape of one’s eyes

and which knows 

no ethnic boundaries, 

no higher caste, 

no royalty, 

no patron

no slave

only Christ and His Spirit in us. 

We are his family whether from 

Manchester, 

or Moscow, 

or Memphis, 

or Masterton, 

or Mumbasa,

or Mumbai,

or Mussafah,

or Macau, 

or Montreal,

or Munich. 

We move forward for our Eternal King and His Good Kingdom. 

We will not stop until our bodies lay in the dust and He takes us Home. 

We serve a God of Peace who will crush Satan under our feet.  

(Rom 16:20).  

So we will take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God 

and war on behalf of Righteousness.

There is no armor for our back sides,

so we will not shrink back 

cease, 

turn away,

or be still,

 but we will be

alert, 

sober, 

and vigilant. 

We will choose 

with joy

to 

face dangers, 

endure sufferings, 

persevere in persecutions, 

be gracious in sicknesses, 

until death closes our eyes. 

We will be characterized as 

Men

women 

boys

and girls

 with

 courageous combat faith, 

with a wartime mentality,

and transcendent joy, 

 who will do the right thing even when we are afraid

and

with the heart of our King.  

Keep your eyes open, 

hold tight to your convictions, 

give it all you've got, 

be resolute, 

and love without stopping. 

I Corinthians 16:13 The MSG