Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Observations of Life in America After A Year


Our family has lived most of two decades in Islamic cultures, moving in international circles, interacting with folks from all walks of life from villagers to ministers, from guards to ambassadors, from the lowest ethnic group to most powerful ethnic group.

Our kids never had an American soccer (futbol) coach until our last year in Turkey. They learned soccer under the coaching of an Afghan, Brazilian, Egyptian, Russian, Turk, and finally from an American.

Being coached whether in soccer or Turkish ice hockey from men from shame/honor cultures has afforded unique experiences for our teens.  They've been publicly shamed by their coach for not performing as well as he wanted, which gave us opportunity to explain the differences in how an American coach from a Truth/Guilt culture would interact with them publicly.  We would say they've grown from these experiences in sensitivity to other cultures and how to respond to different coaching cultures.

We've also observed American culture now for a year, and share some thoughts about ourselves and the culture we observe in 2017-2018 in light of our past 20+ years of cross-cultural ministry experience:

1. The American church tends to speak in a way we've termed "Bumper Sticker Theology," also known as "Sound-bite-fear-driven-syncretistic-theology. In other words, short quotes, whether verses or sayings that speak to American Christian fears of the world, mixed in with nationalism and certain political leanings.

It's easy to be judgmental, but we understand the fear that pervades Americans. It's human nature to be afraid of what isn't understood (Islam, for example).  There's also a lot of national loss and unresolved national grief: loss to the old ways, loss of freedom from fear of terrorism, loss of innocent of our young people due to school shootings, and much more.

We are learning to respond with ways that "salt the oats" to stimulate more conversation. The world isn't black and white - there is much more gray and mystery.

God is not defined by a White, Wealthy, American, Evangelical, Patriarchal, politically conservative theological box. He is a cloud and a pillar of fire. He will not be tamed by one view.

2. Topics of Conversation.  There is a difference in the topics and needs of the American Church versus the suffering (global) Church. The problems facing the American Church in general and the topics of every day social conversation tend to focus more on theology that stem from 1st world (wealthy) church problems.

American Christians aren't facing suffering, persecution and death tomorrow like many Christians around the world, so they have the luxury of time and energy to debate issues that the global church doesn't.  As global workers returning "home" it means our expectations have to change in how we respond to American Church needs versus global church needs, and love His Bride well no matter where we are. 

3. We've changed, and sometimes have felt the disapproval and lack of acceptance by people in our community.  Change causes discomfort, and that's natural. How can we graciously and humbly "bridge" relationally to folks in our passport culture and accept them, even when we don't feel accepted, understood or known?

4. Having a global versus local view of the world means we are lonely sometimes when in situations where the local views dominate or there's unawareness of the global view. God is with us in our loneliness and loneliness is a byproduct of our calling.

5. Values of time and money - for example, we simply won't spend money on watering our grass. We really could care less about the grass, except in terms of maintaining enough front-yard appearance to keep neighbors happy. We'd prefer to "zero-scape" the front lawn...but that takes more time and money we don't want to spend right now!

In many other ways, we make decisions that we realize may disappoint folks, but we remain strategically laser focused on the ministry God calls us to and we simply don't have the energy, time and margin for all the social and other requests that come in. We've accepted that we will disappoint people.

6. Quality of life - There are some aspects of life in the USA that surprisingly are not as good as lesser developed countries. For example, vegetables are abundantly available year 'round but sub par in taste and quality to many other countries (they still look fresh after 10 days in the 'fridge!!!); cellular phone service is simply not as good as Europe, medical help is better, friendlier, faster, and cheaper in other countries where competition is allowed and insurance and malpractice is not a driving factor in cost and treatment.

7. At the local town meeting, folks were upset that the electricity had been out in the past year.

Twice.
For an hour.

Oi.

Even though we've lived in the land of abundant electricity, clean water, good roads, and many other blessings, it has been the most difficult home-leave and year in our family's life, I am still choosing gratitude to be in the USA right now. However, I hope and pray that God will allow us the privilege to live overseas again one day.

In the meantime, I am praying and working towards the peace and prosperity (socially, emotionally, mentally, physically, and especially spiritually) of the city and communities I engage in. Pray for our family as we can continue to help our teenagers transition and thrive in a difficult place (America) as they prepare to launch into adulthood.



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