Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #3

This series is based on real statements heard in risk situations. 

#3 "You must be so brave."

 
Why is "You must be so brave" not helpful?  

Because the person in risk hearing this response doesn't feel "seen" or understood.  

Often times, a global worker will share their risk dilemma out of a need to process what God is doing and the impact on his or her life.  Being seen as brave is really not the goal or main point of discussing risk with someone. 

This response demonstrates a lack of awareness and is dismissive of the actual issues, and also elevates the worker above the other person so that the worker cannot share authentically an issue that may be very frightening. 

A better response would be to validate the challenges the global worker is facing in risk and ask an open question.  

For example, "How did that impact you?"

Then listen. 

Go To:
Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #2
Unhelpful Things People Say in Risk #4


 
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