Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Grief

Grief 

...A never ending path in a wilderness.

In a world of shortcuts, hotkeys, fast food, and fiber optic speed,
Walking the path of grief cannot be hurried.

The only way out of grief is through it
Each grief has its own limits
Those who say one year is enough do not understand 

There are always new paths to walk in grief,

different stages
new levels of depth

but the smellsightsoundfeeling is always the same

Naming grief is a learned skill,
Honed over decades of walking its paths

Naming is Taming, 
The wild animal is quiet 
...for awhile

Naming Shadows 
Lightens Them 
A Dark, Scary, Confusing Path
Diffuses from black to gray

Perhaps I can see my tears where they fall 


Grief

...Deep sorrow, anguish, trouble of soul, loss, unending sadness.
 

Grief is not depression.
Grief is not sin.
Grief is not weakness.
Grief is not lack of joy.
Grief is not something to get over.
Grief is not something to ignore.
Grief is not a room to keep locked up.
 

Grief is a sign of love.

Deep grief = Deep love.
 

 Grief reflects loss...of any kind.
Grief helps one become a more integrated person.
Grief leads to more complex emotions.
Grief reflects God's heart.
Grief makes us whole.
Grief is a friend.
Grief is a cycle.
Grief has layers.



Uncontrollable Sobbing
Softly Weeping
Shedding Tears
Wailing Over Loss
Keening Cry
Heart-wrenching Lament
Shaking shoulders
 
God keeps our tears in his bottle.
 
Why would He do that?
 
God grieves.
 
God grieves with me.
God grieves with you.
 
"He who has seen me has seen the Father."
John 14.9

Jesus was a man of sorrows.
Jesus was well acquainted with grief.
 
My sadness is His sadness, my grief is His grief. 


Genesis 21:17 - He hears the wailing cry of a woman and the quiet cry of a boy and answers
I Samuel 1:10 - He hears the silent shaking cry of a woman and provides
Psalm 18:6 - He hears my voice and my cry
Psalm 31:22 - He hears my cry and takes care of my enemies
Psalm 56:8-9 - He keeps a record of what I cry over and heals them in Heaven
Revelations 21:4-5 - He will show me how He was with me in my tears - He remembers each grief
John 11:34-35 - He weeps over death and separation and the pain of those experiencing loss
John 20:11-15 - The women wept, but the angel gave a different perspective! 




Related Posts
Embracing the Gift of Grief
My Grief Bag


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