Behind the Veil:: Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work

I think back to my earliest experience of sexual harassment. A young man saw my fully-clothed-shadow through an opaque window and said something that caused me to jump in fright and sob for a full 2 hours afterward. I never forgot what he said and my response as a young teen girl.

I remember almost being raped...twice in Russia.

I remember how many times an Afghan man walked or bicycled by me on the street, whispering something inappropriate to me, just loud enough for me to hear but not loud enough for my husband to hear.

I remember the numerous times being brushed against on my backside or front side when in the bazaar, whether Bombay (Mumbai), Kabul, Islamabad, Peshawar, London.

I remember the time a single missionary colleague made a comment that made me incredibly uncomfortable. I told my husband and made sure to never be alone in the same room with that man again.

I remember how many times men's phone cameras were pointed in my direction.

I remember how many times the taxi driver stared at me while he drove. I made a point to always get in the side of the taxi where he couldn't easily see me in his rear view mirror and purchased mirrored sunglasses which I use to this day. If the eyes are the window to one's soul, I wasn't going to let just any man look at my eyes.

I remember how many times I felt stripped naked by men's eyes walking the streets of Central Asia, and my sickness in my stomach when I saw them begin to look at my cute little 6 year old girl.

Sexual harassment was a regular, almost daily experience for all women on the street - expatriate and Afghan women. It was one of our "low stress" risk experiences, because it was so common and so frequent we had to learn to deal with it in order to persevere. And of course, the men who knew us, who we worked with, were not like that in the office. It was a street and bazaar experience.

Of course we women all over the world experience sexual harassment, and much, much worse. See my blog post on Women's Bodies as Battlefield.

It's the fruit of humankind choosing to go our own way, and the resulting millenia of war between men and women.

Not God's design or plan.

A right expectation of unregenerated mankind is that this abuse of women will continue, especially among unreached people groups, but even in the Paris subway.

What will it look like between us when His Kingdom comes in full?

In a time in history when European and American women are speaking up about sexual harassment and abuse, it seems we are not equipping our young people at the pre-field level for the amount of sexual harassment they will experience whether on the subway in Paris or the bazaar of Afghanistan.

In many countries, no amount of speaking up, no amount of female empowerment, no amount of going to the police will really do anything other than to get the woman jailed and/or thrown out of the country (UAE, for example, among many, many other Arab/Muslim countries). We can pass all the laws we want. We can be like the French and make "wolf whistling" illegal. It's not going to change men's hearts and inner purity.

That doesn't mean a woman shouldn't do something.

I've been told recently by a team leader that her Millenials are not coming with resilience to deal with sexual harassment on the subway. They are asking for trauma counseling after a man rubs up against her. The female leader responded with some practical equipping: Step on his feet, and yell loudly at him to stop.

So again I ask, in the pursuit of giving our lives to furthering Christ's kingdom in dark areas, what will cause you to panic, to melt?

Here are some suggestions for what I did and many other women did in Afghanistan. Consider some of the following for Cross-Cultural Work (In cultures where local men do not know Christ):

1. Emotional Resilience and Perspective - being able to handle hardship without melting. It doesn't mean you ignore sexual harassment, but it doesn't send you in to a total meltdown. I'm talking about the everyday stuff here - a man rubbing against you, a wolf whistle, a look. Keep the harassment "outside" of your core. Your body, while yours, is an objectified body, which means often the harassment is not personal, it's to your body, which doesn't Totally define YOU. You are more than your body. What they do to your body, they do to Christ's Body. It's wrong, and should not happen.

2. Discernment between everyday type harassment and injurious harassment that requires trauma help, counseling, and further intervention. We would agree that if a rape occurs on field, it is often best to leave the field to get the necessary trauma and medical help. There's a scale of sexual harassment - from the look all the way to the rape.

3. A person to regularly "offload" the bad culture days - the days when you experience sexual harassment. As one veteran woman reminded me after I told her about one particular bad experience I had just had, she said, "Let it roll of your back." Again, it was an experience with an Afghan man on the street - it would be a different response if it was a Christian man.

4. Physical Equipping - my daughter will not leave my home when she is 18 without being skilled in this: Krav Maga Self Defense for women. I'm making sure to get this training (1-day) before my next international trip. Get some pepper spray. Learn to keep your keys and phone handy, with an emergency number typed in at the top of your phone list. Get a boat horn - noise will often make an attacker stop.

5. Practical Equipping - get the local women to tell you in local language what to say when a man harasses you on the street. My favorite line is said with dripping sarcasm and disrespect: "You Son of A Donkey." If you forget your language in the stress of the moment, just say it in English (or your primary language) and they WILL understand. Non-verbals cross-culture.

In shame-honor cultures, use shame to your advantage. "Don't you have a mother, a sister?" or "I'm a good Christian woman." etc.

I quite often would scold Muslim men for how they were treating me. Workers often use the "turn the other cheek" incorrectly. Sometimes, often, we need to point out evil and injustice, if not for our own souls for our children watching.

Of course, do dress appropriately, but I quickly realized it truly didn't matter what I wore - on the street in Afghanistan, women are fair game, apparently. So I veiled like the most conservative local women to minimize attention to myself.

If a situation seems to be moving into a rape situation, consider rebuking the demon of rape. One of the 2 times I was almost raped this was what came to mind and worked. The other time I simply fled.

As far as dealing with Christian men:

6. Don't engage in Salem Witch Trials behavior - don't accuse men of sexual harassment for the slightest thing. State your boundaries clearly and keep them. Keep a personal boundary around yourself with what you are comfortable. You can do side hugs or just an outstretched hand.

7. Keep a detailed journal. If you are having problems with Christian men, Christian workers, keep a journal of details of what happened. THIS will help if/when you are in a court of law.

8. Do Speak up, and Do attempt to confront, Biblically. Get help if possible. Don't tolerate sexual harassment, abuse, or assault. Some agencies now use "Red Flag Reporting" or some other ethic reporting service.

Don't confuse behavior from men who follow Jesus and unregenerated men in the cultures we are trying to reach.

We women need to have a different standard of response to different men in different situations.

Learn to discern the difference, and what to do when you are treated wrongly by men who profess to follow Christ. This blog post is primarily focused on dealing with unregenerated men. If you are a woman headed into an abrasive culture, and you have sexual trauma in your past, consider if your are truly recovered enough to be able to handle it. It's OK if you decide you can't.

I do know of one woman who had been severely raped prior to coming to the field, and she had recovered and had perspective that she was able to do very well in Afghanistan despite the challenges for women. It is possible to heal from sexual trauma, but don't "beat yourself up" if you realize you can't. We are human beings and are limited. Have compassion on yourself.

What we do and say and how we conduct ourselves communicates to the next generation of women how we view ourselves.

We are daughters of The King.

Related Posts

Women's Bodies as Battlefield - conservative Evangelicals highest domestic violence rate in USA.