Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Showing posts with label Theology of Suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Theology of Suffering. Show all posts

Friday, May 18, 2018

Thinking About Suffering...


How should we write a Theology of Suffering Statement? It's common for me to be asked about the connections between risk and suffering, a topic I'm just a beginner in and don't feel that I really have an answer for.  But here are some beginning thoughts on writing a theology of suffering statement for those facing cross-cultural risk. 

Asking "How to write a Theology of Suffering (TOS) is not a simple question, especially when a team knows first-hand the realities of the type of suffering that possibly lay ahead.

Thinking about suffering is such hard work and involves facing pain and fear.  My answer would have been different in any year before this year!

When it comes to suffering and writing a statement on suffering that will sustain me, I think the first thing I need to do is think through my deepest biggest fear.

That tells me two important things:
  •     What aspect of God do I need to meditate on and also have the hardest time trusting in?
  •     What aspect of me in my relationship with myself do I need to pay attention to? What are my weaknesses, because that is usually related to my fear, and that is exactly how the enemy will attack me in suffering. It is also the point where God will allow pain to enter to transform me into more of His likeness. Therefore, self-awareness and knowing oneself is supremely important, especially in constant life-and-death situations where people must endure well for days, weeks, and months on end for Kingdom purposes.
If I wrote a statement right now, I’m fairly certain for me I’d turn to Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar’s quote (see my last chapter), and spend time thinking through how that would influence a statement I would write for myself. 

As a starting point, Neal and I wrote our Theology of Risk (TOR) statement back in 2000 before we first went to Afghanistan.(It is possible a TOS and TOR statement could be the same, but some may feel the need to write a unique for each. Do what you feel works for you).

It is based on Hebrews 11:35-38:
Our Purpose is to live by simple trust and confidence in Him, unflinching, un-awed and un-dismayed by the troubles we may face, holding staunchly to our calling and enduring steadfastly with our gaze fixed on Him.
My biggest fear has changed since I lived in Afghanistan.  It used to be more related to just rape or kidnapping.  Sometimes the passion and ignorance of youth and nationalistic fervor makes us immune to the very real and present dangers.  However, God’s grace is amazing in that!

No, my fear now is that I will not remain faithful to Him under persecution and deny Him (Matt 10:33). 

I’ve told Kayla Mueller’s story so many times as a modern day martyr, but it makes me wonder if I could do it. She was kidnapped, regularly raped, and tortured but remained faithful. For her, her TOS statement seemed to come down to the Shema as quoted by Jesus Christ. I include here her story as I have pieced it together from media reports and have shared her story publicly to thousands.

A modern day martyr, Kayla Mueller:
“I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how you are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek you,”Kayla wrote in a letter to her father in 2011. “I will always seek God. Some people find God in church. Some people find God in nature. Some people find God in love; I find God in suffering. I’ve known for some time what my life’s work is, using my hands as tools to relieve suffering,” she wrote.

Images of children suffering in the early stages of Syria’s ongoing civil war prompted Mueller to leave her home in Arizona, in December 2012 to help refugees. She found the work heartbreaking but compelling. Mueller was captured by ISIS on Aug. 4, 2013, in Aleppo, Syria — ten days before her 25th birthday.

She was given to the senior leader of ISIS at the time as a war trophy. She was held with three Yazidi women, and they were all systematically raped by him. They all had an opportunity to escape, so Kayla urged them to go without her, knowing without the language and as a foreigner she could easily cause them to get caught.  They escaped with her letters.

She was a hostage for 18 months and killed in early 2015. Besides raping her repeatedly, there were reports of torture. The very hands meant to relieve suffering experienced horrifying suffering as they ripped out her nails.  I suspect the torture had to do with her being pressured to convert to Islam.

Most Christians working among Muslims experience pressures to convert as well. The reason I suspect she was being pressured to convert is because of the very last thing she wrote to her parents was a clear declaration of her allegiance.

Kayla quoted Jesus Christ, who was quoting the Shema of Deut 6, which is the exact opposite of the recitation of the Islamic Creed.
Mark 12:28-30. "The first of all the commandments is hear O Israel, the Lord thy God is one Lord. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind and with all thy strength. This is the first commandment.”

Kayla Mueller, a young woman of 24 years, our sister in Christ, Courageous and faithful to the end.

I have found two helpful guides on understanding internal suffering.  The first is from Mother Teresa, in her book “Come Be My Light.” Her experience was extremely unique and her type of experience is shared by only three other Christian saints in the past 2000 years (that I've found so far).

However, what is more typical is the principle: “What is most personal to me is usually most universal to people.”   In other words, for those living authentically and willing to admit it, what fear I have is very likely what fear the other has.  But we only know that when we can share vulnerably in a safe environment.

So the characteristic of a theology of suffering statement or statement of conviction on suffering should be a short statement (1-3 sentences) that energizes and refocuses one quickly when needing to face pain in the next moment.  I like how another mentor of mine described it (sorry – the quote is long):
“My sin and my gift were two sides of the same coin, but if I hadn’t done the work of taming my gift, I know it would have destroyed me. Energy is one of the most precious gifts God has given us, and we don’t want to waste it by being drawn into negativity. All of our energy should be used for reconciliation. We always have a choice. We can either expend natural, constructive energy that comes from an intentional focus on Christ, a willing attitude, creative work, and regular exercise, or we can expend negative energy, which comes from self-pity, bitterness, and resentment.

When we are living on natural energy, we will get tired but we won’t burn out. That kind of energy is easily replenished by rest and exercise. There is another form of energy that arises with fear. The adrenaline created is meant to be used strictly for crisis situations, so if we constantly run on that energy, we will find ourselves depleted and exhausted. Either energy can be used within the circumstances God has placed us, but one will lead to life and renewed energy and the other will lead to death and burnout.”

So she redirected her negative energy by quietly stepping back into the gentle, transforming silence of attentiveness, paying attention to what she was feeling and surrendering those feelings to God.”
By Kitty Crenshaw and Catherine Snapp, from “The Hidden Life: Revelations from a Holy Journey”

Understanding and experience the spiritual direction of one's soul, paying attention to the movements of the soul will help in thinking through the suffering statements needed to face danger.

The Holy Spirit will be faithful to help us know what is needed right now for the tasks He has given each of us.