It started when I was young, and my parents took me on numerous trips around the world. I developed the desire to see more of the world, and also saw it was possible to navigate the world without a tour agency or a group. God began working in my young heart, to give me a vision for the world.
In my early 20's, I went to Russia with a group, three summers in a row. The hunger for advenure propelled me. I wanted to see where all the Ivan and Tanya books were written about, to see where my ancestors came from, the spiritual heritage of Russian Christians persevering through danger. Did I pray about going? Not much. The desire for adventure and danger was more important. God began to become real to me.
Then I was offered an all expense paid trip around the world. My job was to help lead. But money drove me this time. Who could turn up an all expenses paid trip? God showed me suffering people, suffering discarded babies. I realized I was called by God to do something.
God grabbed my heart for missions, but this time, it was the desire to work with a specific individual which drove me. I worked with this godly man for six years. Yes, I loved the work, the travel, but being with this fatherly man who provided healing in my life was the focus. Still, my interaction with risk in mission was more about surviving danger, than about praying about it. I remember choosing to go down into the middle of a demonstration in central Jerusalem, knowing that really, only my mom and dad would grieve my death if I should be killed in danger.
Then I met the man I'd marry. The desire to follow and serve, the willingness to go to a dangerous place, even with children drove me. Yes, our focus was on unreached people groups, but that was a side light to the primary work we were called to. Risk - that was something we didn't really think about. Of course it was a risk and dangerous.
Then I became a mother. My own mom died. But now I have children to live for. My drive, my goal, is to stay alive at least until the youngest is 18. Risk became something, finally, to pray about. Finally, home in God's hand, I pray about which risks He wants me to take for the sake of His kingdom.
Did He work in all the previous situations? Yes. He's protected me from being raped, at least twice. He's protected me in war, in life under the Taliban, from being kidnapped. He's protected my family when the 10 robbers held us at gunpoint and robbed us. He protected me from Russian police interrogation that time our bus was stopped by the police. He protected me from rocket attack in Israel during the 2nd intifada. He protected me when my friend and I were attacked in the bazaar with knives slashing at our purses.
He has used me, despite less-than-godly-desires throughout. The desire to see the world, the desire for adventure, danger, the desire to be with another person, the desire to follow --- He used me through all of these, and got me to various countries where He has used me to make a difference in the world for His kingdom and people's eternity.
No one needs to start out with perfectly godly motivation or understanding of a theology of risk.
