Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Narcissism Resources


The spirit of Narcissism continues to spread in our age. 

Narcissists in missions leadership and on the mission field doing great damage.


There is very little success in helping narcissists (men and women) realize what they are doing and change.

It's best to focus how to stop being a victim and enabler in these relationships and to learn what team, family, or community patterns of dysfunction you may be experiencing.



WEBSITES: 


www.therecoveryexpert.com - Sherry Stines
Very few Christian counselors/psychologists are truly helpful, because they do not understand and they overspiritualize.  Sherry is a Christ-follower and an excellent therapist.  She will speak reality and give you unique coping tools that are not shared or written anywhere else.

http://www.narcissismsurvivor.com/resources.html
A great listing of books and additional websites.

Narcissism Meets Normalcy- https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism
Blog by Lorena Thompson - She is a gifted writer and her blog is located at PsychCentral.com.

https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-support-resources/
Has even more books on narcissism than other places. The India/Asian perspective narcissism provides a unique angle on what it is like to be in a narcissistic relationship.

https://narcwise.com/
Narc Wise is about helping you inoculate yourself from abusive narcissists, and heal your wounds by growing healthy self-love.

http://www.abandonment.net/
by Susan Anderson

A Narcissist's Creed
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it.

HELPFUL BOOKS:

Anger, the Misunderstood Emotion, by Carol Tavris

Why Hoes he Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft (Highly Recommended)

Adult Children of  Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, by Linday Gibson  (Highly Recommended)

An Adult Child's Guide to What's Normal, John Friel (Highly Recommended)
 
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts and You Don’t Know Why, by Dr. Susan Forward and Joan Torres (Highly Recommended)

Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change, by Robin Norwood (Highly Recommended)

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Goldhor Lerner

Women, Abuse, and the Bible: How Scripture Can be Used to Hurt or Heal, by Catherine Clark Kroeger, and James R. Beck

Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb

The Power to Break Free: Surviving Domestic Violence with a Special Reference to Abuse in Indian Marriages, by Anisha Durve, A.P. (Highly Recommended)

Narcissistic Relationship Survival Guide, by Sherry Stines (Highly Recommended)

The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss, by Susan Anderson 

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick Carnes

Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age, by George Simon




Blog Posts:
Narcissistic Family Systems and Christmas Time 
Narcissistic Family System Patterns and The Individual
Love in Narcissistic Family Systems

Video:
Dealing With A Narcissist - J.P. Sears, clinical counselor - helps to understand more about the victim/enabler


Grieving
 
To lose you as a love was painful.

 To lose you as a friend was equally painful.

 But lost you are.

 The walls are so high, and that finely honed saber

I had when I began storming your citadel isn't even

sharp enough to slash my wrists.

 It's not that I don't care.

 It's just that I can't let myself. 



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