I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.
There's definitely a lot of room for me to improve my henna technique! I always got a "C" on my art projects in school. However, I'm happy to share my journey of becoming a better henna artist for a significant purpose!
Here's a sample of using Romans 6:23 from the design by Henna Stories to share the Good News from more of a shame and honor perspective.
Feel free to download these docs if you find them helpful to you.
Henna is a great tool to share the Gospel. Islamic women don't often need formal theological discussions. They need friendship, love, and to learn the difference Christ makes in our lives.
There's a henna website I've been watching for several years, and decided to share with a broader audience. I know what I wish I had available for me to learn, so I'm sharing my learning curve with you to try to improve my own henna art skills, and hopefully this will help you!
"Henna tattoo art is an ancient art form that is part of women's culture in African, Arabic, and Asian cultures. For hundreds of years, henna, a natural dye made from the leaves of a henna plant, has been in used as a temporary tattoo in India, Pakistan, across parts of South East Asia, Africa and the Arabian Peninsula.
Henna accompanies engagements, weddings, births, religious events, festivals and everyday life. Henna is largely worn for cosmetic purposes. Henna is also thought to have medicinal uses and rumored to also be a sunscreen as well as a hair dye. Before weddings, women will often host a party where the bride’s hands and feet are decorated with intricate henna designs."
It takes practice to mix it to the correct consistency, roll it in cellophane or plastic paper into a henna cone with a very small opening, and than practice applying it in pretty designs on hands and feet. An entire story can be told through Henna art! Henna will fade after 1-4 weeks, depending upon how long it's been on the skin.
The goal is to learn to mix from scratch and make your own henna cone. Store-bought henna cones are fine, but you may prefer to cut them open and transfer to your own cellophane or pastry bag, as the cone tip is often not fine enough.
In the Middle East and across Asia and Africa, henna cones in your local grocery store, pharmacy, or local beauty supply or accessory store. (They are also available on Amazon). I would use caution however, as those from Amazon may be dried out and may not be good.
Alternatively, you can purchase the store-bought premade henna cones, then make your own henna cones out of cellophane paper from the florist. Strain the store-bought henna through a nylon sock into your homemade cone. This will likely be a much better henna cone.
Or - mix your own! One way to ensure having fresh henna is buying fresh henna powder and learn to mix your own. Henna, once mixed, can be kept in the freezer for a month.
Generally, I have avoided purchasing black henna, as it often has a substance called PPD and is allergenic and adds to the toxic chemical load on the body. However, I saw some gorgeous henna design that has made me rethink this for arts' sake. A mix of black and brown henna in a design can be stunning. There are pics online where sparkle has been added which is pretty too.
- Henna that has a very high natural dye content - Henna that is very finely cleaned, ground and triple (or more) sifted - Body Art Quality henna is often referred to as BAQ henna (not henna for hair)
You'll have to brush off the henna once it's done drying, and clean up the mess. Henna needs to stay on for 4-24 hours to really soak into the skin to get dark before brushing off. So if you plan on going somewhere right after applying, just be advised of this.
When scraping henna off the skin, I always think it looks like mice poop so don’t be alarmed!
Please don't hesitate to write and ask questions about any step.
It was the fall of 2008, and Gayle
Williams had just been killed (1) by "The Vampire of Kabul"
Gulbadine Hekmatyr. (2) Within a few hours, all foreigners went into lock
down, meaning no walking on the street. Non-essential staff were to stay
home (women and children especially). All students were immediately
returned from school back to home.
We were also required to have planned
randomized departures for work for "essential employees" (i.e. my husband) , try to send our guards for any shopping, and
avoid going anywhere out of our homes. It was shortly determined the lock down
would continue until Spring. Presidential elections were looming 8 months later. Depending on how the election went, our lock down could continue.
So, there I was, looking at 8 months of
lock down in the war zone of Kabul, Afghanistan. I knew immediately
it would take something extra, some special awareness and focus to make it
through for me and for my children without long-term psychological problems for
all of us. How could I do this with joy out of serving my Heavenly Father through this?
He gave me no promises that we would live through the lock down.
He gave me no promises that we'd all survive.
He did not promise we wouldn't be kidnapped or killed.
But He did promise to be with us.
There is no simple "right"
answer or one-size-fits-all for living through lock down. I tend to reject
banal simplistic conceptual spiritualized answers that don't really answer the
practical questions of lock down in risk. (i.e. "God is
sovereign", "He is in control" etc.....yes, I know these things,
but that doesn't answer the lock down question and stays on the surface of the
problem).
The risk question is situational and demands a practical AND theological response.
I testify that it IS possible:
to do well,
to love well,
to serve well,
to relate well,
to glorify God well in lock down situations.
It can be done with joy and supernatural peace.
Lock down and quarantine can be lived through with
supernatural joy - joy even when things are not going well.
So let's try to break it down into
helpful pieces:
What's Normal?
Isolation, loneliness, sadness,
grief, loss, mild depression, and more are all common experiences, even when
you do your best, and are nothing to be ashamed of.
In the case of Covid-19, we
are globally collectively experiencing many of these things. Almost none of us (except perhaps the very rich) are able to escape.
All of a sudden, the Church has woken up to the reality of isolation. Wouldn't it be great if church people could somehow "connect the dots" that what they are feeling during a very short time in their home culture is what Global Workers feel much of the time in a foreign culture? What a helpful thing would be to more effective shepherding of global workers!
There are numerous tools available to help with isolation, loneliness, sadness, grief, loss, depression and more. See MMCT, (English, Spanish, Korean, French) Sentwell.org, Barnabas International Resources
for access to numerous resources on this. Recognize that what you are going through is normal.
Maintain Perspective:
Gift - lock down is a gift. It is a gift to detox from our normal routines and demands of daily life, and focus on less things and people. Focus on what truly matters if you were to die tomorrow.
Recognize Emotions - Recognize that whatever emotions you are feeling, these are normal. Anger, shock, fear, uncertainty, etc. Let these emotions drive you to God, not to numbing activities.
See what God is doing - What is he doing to transform you more into His likeness? What is He doing to put you in touch with neighbors you rarely talk with? Where is He working near you to draw people to Himself?
Steward your body, relationships, (Don't die with unresolved issues) - It's easier to maintain eternal perspective when you pay attention to stewarding yourself so you have the margin and energy to pour out to others.
Categories to Pay Attention
To and Steward :
Physical Health
Emotions
Mental Health
Relationships
Spiritual Vitality Environment
One of the most important things for good mental health is paying attention to our environment.
What I mean by environment is the sounds, site, smell, and taste. Make your home inviting and clean. Light some candles and make it cozy. Bake some cookies or good smelling scents. Take time to bake or make something delicious as often as you can. Turn on some worship music in the morning, and fun music in the afternoon. Make this environment an enjoyable place for all members of the family.
I took time on a daily basis to have a quiet moment reading my theology books and having an afternoon cup of coffee. I kept "mom's chocolate shelf" stocked (as did Neal) so that I could have occasional moments to myself.
Neal would give me an hour break from the children or the night off. This helped me maintain my sanity.
Work Through Conflict and Give Everyone Quiet/Retreat Time.
We all need a break from each other, even extroverts. Make a routine for the day, and include time for everyone to have alone time when they can read, nap, listen to music, or do something on their own.
Try as best as you can to work through the conflicts of the day, because we don't know what tomorrow holds. Don't be afraid, however, to let emotions cool overnight and talk it through the next morning. If you need help, please reach out - Neal or I are happy to help, especially if you are alone and isolated. I've also had friends who are counselors write and tell me they are available via secure video to help folks.
Recognize that Effort is Not enough: There are 6 ethical postures we can try to rely on during a long-term lock down:
Reason, principle, conscience, duty,
absolute freedom, private duty.
Reason
and principle of right action are not enough. We can allow our
feelings to dictate what we do and ignore our conscience.It is not absolute freedom, because there really is no such thing - we are constrained by Christ's calling. Recognize that the only thing that will carry us through is Christ's love - His love for us and our desire to love Him back. This is a free choice, not duty.
Check In With the Family 1-2 week. Even during this lock down, we are checking in with our teens to see how they are doing, what changes they want to make to do better during lockdown, what goals they have. Check in with the emotional and mental health of your household members.
Most Important?
Eternal Perspective - This will pass, and the world is not ending. There is still a task to do, to reach all the nations, so ignore all the Christians saying we are about to be raptured.
Fun and Humor! - have a laugh and go about your day, no matter what is involved in your day.
We found creative ways to make life fun for our children during lock down, including 4pm "Dance" time. This is the time when little children usually get a little crabby, so I used to make them stand on our coffee table and turn up the music really loud and dance!
Make an "orange" meal, and try to list as many things that are orange. Go crazy and have fun.
Serious things are always coming ahead. Remember, God is in control, and He takes no pleasure in death, sickness, decay, and this pandemic has NOT taken Him by surprise. He is faithful to never leave us in what He has called us to during this time.
Sources Cited:
1. Gayle's Killing. Numerous sources on this, but I
lived it in real time.
2. Hekmatyr is known as the
"vampire of Kabul" (told to me, Anna, by Afghans themselves) and in
press reports as the Butcher of Kabul. "Hekmatyar is responsible for
deliberately slaughtering roughly 50,000 Kabuli civilians during his
bombardments of the city during the extermination campaign westerners still
quaintly refer to as the "Afghan civil war," that hellish
ISI-wrought, Khomeinist-contested and Saudi- funded interregnum between the Red
Army's massacres and the Taliban despotism" (Source)
"Hekmatyar stands out with an
almost unparalleled record of human rights abuses. Aside from indiscriminate
shelling of civilians, he is accused of assassinating intellectuals, feminists
and royalists. His followers have run torture chambers in Pakistan and thrown
acid at women." (Source)
Before I served overseas, I would never have guessed the reality of this crazy life. Romanticized notions of living in a different country, ideals about engaging the culture there, preconceived ideas on what “ministry” should look like, all crowded my head and clouded my vision. Looking back, I would even say they often stopped up my ears to the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Experience can be a harsh teacher. Thank goodness it is always tempered by grace. I’ve got a long way to go, but the One who walks beside me has promised not to give up forming my character and teaching me to follow Him. I am glad to be on this journey.
Now I’m looking at another trip home. We are in the process of planning the three month itinerary, attempting to balance family obligations and events, and looking at ticket options for flights. It’s that last one that has me reflecting on what it’s like to leave again. Our home town is complicated to fly out of, and we’re reviewing several possible scenarios for the trip back overseas. A family of six isn’t cheap or easy to move around, but consuming my thoughts even more as I wrestle through the options for the trip, are all the things we struggle with during that last week. Some of the stress load, we’ve managed to mitigate a little better each time, but a lot of it is simply part of the leaving process. The emotions we experience are intense and often contradictory. And in a family, we are sometimes processing different feelings at different times.
If I had read an article like this one before I headed overseas, I would have done so with skepticism and more than a little judgmentalism. Who on earth do these international workers think they are to be whining and complaining about their stress levels and all the transitions and emotions they have to deal with when they get to serve God and see the world?
The truth is: I can’t sleep the night before flying out. We board 3-4 airplanes on route to a country that is a twelve hour time difference from our home in North America—literally the other side of the world—and it takes almost two weeks to feel normal again once I get there.
The truth is: we are overwhelmed by grief at leaving many of our family and friends, and harbor guilt ridden relief at leaving others.
The truth is: we wonder if what we’re doing is really worth all this. Have we really heard God’s voice? Does he really want us to continue laboring such rocky ground as He’s called us to, with so little fruit to show, on nothing but the promise, “Follow me…”?
Here are some of the emotions we wrestle with, particularly that last week:
Grief and Loss
We leave people. Friends who understand us, groups where we truly belong, cousins, grandparents… We leave places. We leave milk that the kids will actually drink. And Romaine lettuce. And rather a lot of healthy things that I would be feeding my family if we lived in a country where those things were available. We leave sanity. We leave a country where people help each other, in general, instead of taking advantage of others at every opportunity. We leave high speed internet and trustworthy healthcare.
My husband’s grandmother is ninety-four—the same age as the Queen of England. She has the same hair-do, too. In our family, she is the queen, and my hero. Will we see her again, or are we saying good-bye for the last time? We leave my parents; they will miss us a lot and will make an effort to stay in touch while we’re away. We leave my in-laws, who won’t.
Stress and Anxiety
Will we be able to make the 18+ hour drive (over five days of poignant family good-byes) with our old RV over rugged terrain to the town we need to store it in without incident or breakdown? Can we manage to pack all our bags to 20 kg exactly, maximizing space and weight? Can we somehow fit in that last package of gourmet chocolates our well-meaning loved one just gave us? Is there any way—as we promised ourselves last time—to minimize our carry-on luggage?
Are we forgetting anything important? Did that crucial item (passport, driver’s licence, or Amazon order) arrive in the mail? Did we send off that last batch of receipts to HQ? Did our friend’s church come through with that support they promised? Are we going to be able to pay off our visa bill? How did we manage to spend so much money when all our friends and supporters have been feeding us and taking us out to the point that I’m downright embarrassed? How did we manage to gain so much weight—again!?
Anger and Confusion
Why does my close relative seem to resent me and put me down at every opportunity? How can I foster some sort of relationship with her? Why does my father-in-law have time and energy for his step grandkids but not his own, especially when they’re only around every two years? We are once again surprised to find out who left their spouse, who stopped following the Lord, and what idols have come into the temple of the North American church. Why isn’t the Great Commission important to many believers here?
Gratitude and Humility
Some new supporters came through. A man we’d only just met told us God spoke to him and said to pray for our kids every day. Our church came around us in love and prayed over us, sending us away even though they wish we could stay. I don’t feel worth it at all.
Guilt and Uncertainty
Why didn’t we call that one older couple who supports us sooner? I didn’t know the husband was bed-ridden. How can we leave …? We are needed here. Will our ministry even bear fruit? Is it worth it? Is it worth the cost?
Enjoyment
One last swim in the lake. One last meal at … One last drive through what I still think is the most beautiful green countryside in the world. We are together with our kids.
Anticipation and Hope
We look forward to seeing our friends again! What a wonderful community we get to be a part of in our country of service! Our team is like family. It will be so good to get home, to settle in and start school, to begin work and to see what the Lord does this next year.
The particulars will be different for other families and individuals who serve, but I wouldn’t be surprised if every worker who heads back to the field after home assignment cycles through these emotions and more, simply as a matter of course. Some things get easier with time. Some get harder to be honest.
One thing I do know: our Lord has had difficult, intense weeks himself, one in particular. He knows all about it. And Him, we can trust.
