Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Friday, January 29, 2021

Caught Between the Nails

 


This post is by Betty W. Skinner

As we all endure this new sorrow and uncertainty; as we seek common ground in a world shattered by disease, hostility, and violence; as we stumble under the weight of loss and grief, how can we know and believe that God is with us?

Oh, Good Jesus, 

Hear me, hold me, love me

in this, the season of

my spirit's loss and grieving, 

in the anguish of my waiting, 

in the silence of familiar voices gone, 

in the pain of all the change, 

in the twilight of my years

before Perfection dawns 

and I am gone. 


Oh, Good Jesus, 

I try the letting go, 

to understand my weakness,

to trust You in my darkness,

to make room for Your grace to heal.

Yet there is no return, 

only the echo of my own crying.

It seems I, too, with you,

am caught between the nails. 


Oh, Good Jesus,

in this holy place of crucifixion, 

broaden the boundaries of my heart. 

Soften the hard places that defend, define, deny. 

Teach my heart to love.

Make it a refuge for others who, too, 

are caught between the nails. 


My dear Friend, Jesus, eases the intensity of the pain and helps me stay focused on love, enabling me to go forward and release everything to him, knowing that no matter how circumstances unfold, all shall be well. 

Jesus was always talking about love - nothing else mattered to him. Everything he did was about setting the example of love. He fed the poor and healed the desperate sick - never to show off his power or gain a following, but because He was moved to tears by their suffering. 

He refused to bend to the hypocrisy of the religious without love. When an angry mob of churchmen threw a woman caught in adultery at his feet, he rose powerfully to her defense in a very volatile situation, daring the one without sin to throw the first stone. After they slunk away, he helped her to her feet and totally without judgment, called her to a higher way. 

The way of love. 

On the quiet Thursday evening before Passover, Jesus, knowing it would be their last time together on earth, called his little band of friends together for supper. When they came in, he bent down and tenderly washed their dusty feet to demonstrate for them once more, the great humility of love. After supper, he did another strange thing - he lifted a loaf of bread and told them it was his body which would be sacrificed for them. Then he raised his glass of wine and told them it was his blood which would soon be poured out for them. The very last thing he said to them before he went to crucifixion and death for the was, "My dear friends, I only have a brief time left to be with you. So, I give you a new commandment: Love each other just as much as I have loved you."

Love. 
The great imperative is to love.

Loving others is the only thing that lasts and the only thing that changes anything. Such a simple thing, yet we miss it. As God's children, chosen and beloved, we are asked to watch carefully and learn from Jesus how to receive the love, and then go out and offer it to the hungry hearts of others. We are asked to stand together in the midst of a broken world, redemptively available, open and vulnerable to all its sorrow, suffering, and pain. Our goal is to be true to Him, to carry out His plan, to be captives in the procession of His triumphs. 


Sunday, January 17, 2021

Grieving the Impact of A Global Pandemic

There is much to grieve in 2021, now that the shock of the pandemic and resulting months and months of quarantine are wearing off. 

Not acknowledging through naming and feeling and facing the grief and loss we've experienced results in not being able to move on and forward with hope and joy in the future. 

Here are some named losses, but what would you add to the list? 

  • We grieve the deaths of loved ones - permanent losses. 
  • We  grieve the future we have to face without those loved ones who died because of the pandemic, whether from the actual disease or because they could not get medical attention due to overwhelmed medical systems. 
  • We grieve not being able to grieve together at the funerals of these loved ones. 
  • Even when the pandemic ends, our world is forever altered. We can never go back to how it was before. We grieve a lost world. 
  • We lost a year of in-person relationships and being "present" in key events of loved ones. Graduations, weddings, births, bridal showers, dying (last moments) and death. We grieve all of those losses. 
  • We grieve how our lives were disrupted. Our personal and global narratives are forever marked by "the pandemic." 
  • Future loss will often find their roots to losses in the pandemic. We grieve what is to come directly due to the pandemic. (Anticipatory grief)
  • We grieve the loss of finances due to loss of work. 
  • We grieve the loss of our desired routine. 
  • We grieve the loss of opportunities 
  • We grieve the loss of traditions we could not engage in due to quarantines. 
  • We grieve the fear now pervading the world. 
  • We grieve the changes of public life and having to wear masks. 


It's important to realize that "Grief stays with us in some profound way. Our relationship with it might change, and to the extent we haven’t processed it, another big grief down the line may trigger a prior grief. All of our grief has a past and a future. It finds its place on the timeline of our life.  One loss triggers another loss that preceded it." (Nicholas Collura)

This past year has produced heightened sense of 
  • loneliness
  • being out of control,
  • concern about our mental health
  • feelings of isolation, chaos, uncertainty
  • feelings of our life was being waster or passing us by because we couldn’t do what we want to do,
  • a unique time of personal and collective trauma
  • feeling despair for the earth, society, and the world
  • the feeling that the pandemic and resulting tragedy is keeping us from participating in something meaningful

These feelings and the losses associated with them - a loss of the innocence of not having them are all significant results of the pandemic to grieve.  

We all have grief work to do, and it's crucial to recognize that doing this work is fundamentally an invitation to growth and healing; it won’t be easy or pain free.. It's also important to recognize that grief is not the enemy; rather, grief is our own spirit’s best attempt to respond to the antagonism of loss.

Grief is natural, normal, not easy, but it’s sacred. It is a time to turn to God, the God of all comfort, and grieve with Him.  He grieves these losses that we experience and he is present in our losses and griefs. 

What do you need to go and grieve today? 

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Silence in Grief



Job became silent. 
Heaven was silent. 
God's presence brings silence. 
The Holy Spirit groans when I can no longer find words. 

Within the 5 stages of grief.
Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance...

There is also:

Silence.

Grief so pervasive,
So continuous,
So deep,
How long, Lord? 

Perhaps Friday and Saturday were like that. 
After You died.

An end of one life, one hope, one dream
not knowing even that the next one will begin.

Silence.

From the depths of painful death and loss
I stand silently before the Throne
face-to-face with Justice 
and demand Mercy. 

In the silence  and bitterness
of not knowing when it will end

To be like Him means 
continuous grief and pain
but also
compassion, loyalty, faithfulness

Walking thru 
the world of souls
Accepting healing means
 accepting new Life 
Accepting He always cares.

In the Sacred Romance 
Longing is fulfilled
Lament is comforted
Beauty arises from ashes

Belovedness imparts identity
My heart and soul is comforted
By the Lover of My Soul
Who always Sees Me with Delight

He Stays with Me 
In His Delight in me I focus
The eyes of my soul 
On His face 

No longer estranged from the soil of my soul,
I swim in the river of light
Radiance returns
Beloved acceptance
Known in
Delight in.

(Author unknown)

Rend your heart and not your garments; turn back to God. Joel 2:13