Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Showing posts with label #metoo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #metoo. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

#missionarywomentoo


There are the 3 Ghosts that Haunt the Evangelical Church, graciously shared by Jen Wilkin.

Then there's the recent letter of coming to reality by Beth Moore.  I was always embarrassed when told she regularly stated: "I'm not teaching you men here."  I'm so glad she's grown on this issue. Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile responded to her with a gracious  apology of his own. 

But the gender wars of the American Church are not that way in the Global Church or on the mission field.

My Kenyan sisters don't face the same issues I do on a Sunday morning. Women preach and teach...men and women.

And I was shocked and quite nervous last summer to be invited to teach the Bible (devotionally) in Europe to a well-known translation group (more men then women in that group).

On the mission field, it is not uncommon all over the world for women to take leadership, to plant churches, disciple men up into leadership, and more.

It's when we return back home (to USA) for descriptions of what women on the mission field do, that we enter back into a misogynist interpretation and description.

mi·sog·y·nist
/məˈsäjənəst/

noun

1.
a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women.
adjective

First, there are also ghosts in the reporting of women in missions and secondly, how they are treated by pastors, theologians, and churches back home.

In our day, we see this when a single women is given an evening service to "share" but a single man is given the morning sermon to "preach."

Since so many churches no longer have evening services, the single missionary woman is relegated to the Tuesday night Women's Bible Study, or 90 seconds on a Sunday morning with the pastor standing next to her.

The Current Debate: Distorted Facts and Theology:

1. David Barrett & Todd Johnson's stats show that the ratio for foreign missionaries is 54% men and 46% women but the projected figure shows the women will outstrip the men by 2025. See https://www.gordonconwell.edu/ockenga/research/Resources-and-Downloads.cfm.

Not sure where buried on this page that a man found the quote above, but I couldn't find it.

I normally love and appreciate all the statistical research Barrett (did) and Johnson still does.  Theirs is a valuable service to the Global Church.

But this just sounds off, if it is truly what they have published. Is it possible Barrett and Johnson were not counting the wives of the men as "the missionary"?  That would be totally wrong. It would be helpful for Johnson to clarify where and how they arrived at this figure, as there is overwhelming anecdotal evidence that the contrary is true, that there are a higher majority of women then men in numerous missions, both in N America and from the Global South.

A married woman is as much a missionary as the single woman. To say anything less is to once again, impose white American male evangelical patriarchy on the married Christian woman  #churchtoo.

Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property. Patriarchy is associated with a set of ideas, a patriarchal ideology that acts to explain and justify this dominance and attributes it to inherent natural differences between men and women.
The Bible no where sanctions Patriarchy. Jesus exploded all stereotypes and ways of interacting with women. Patriarchy is man's sinful treatment of women and an Evangelical rationalization of how women should be treated.

2. There are male mission leaders who say that if a woman is allowed leadership or the preaching role, then those encouraging her are heretics because they are not following the Bible. Hmmm, God must be a heretic, as He seems to have used women planting and leading churches for the last 2000 years to further His Kingdom. See this post. 

3. John Piper doesn't think a woman should be in the role of elder on the Mission field, saying it would be disobedient to the Bible. See this link here. He goes on to say that if a woman is leading on the mission field, when a man comes along, the woman will naturally want him to lead even if she is doing a fine job of it, just because he is the man.  I'm not the smartest person, but isn't this an inconsistent application of the Complementarian View in direct conflict with the sound teaching of Scripture???

Hmmmmmm.......

My experience: 

How many times have I suffered through a poorly exegeted sermon in an International Church, and had no opportunity to remedy it, simply because I am a woman?  Last I checked, just having a [male organ] does not make one fit to teach or lead or be an elder. I would tend to think that if it was THAT IMPORTANT the Bible would be VERY clear if it was sin for a woman to be an elder (and that's without a microscopic view of the translation Greek embedded in a 1st Century Hebrew Rabbinical worldview using Hillel's Rules of Interpretation).

How many times have I seen a totally gifted woman - married or single - ready for leadership, spiritually gifted in administration and empowering others, with extensive time on the field in the culture with fluent language skills, but she is passed over for mission field team leadership simple because it needs to go to the man on the team. Yes, that one, the one who can't speak the local language as well, doesn't know the culture and who has no clue about administrative details?  This is some of the worst misogyny on the mission field, usually dictated by the sending organization back in the USA.  

At the same time, not just any woman should be given a leadership, preaching, or teaching role.  That would be militant feminism.  We don't "choose a minority" just to have a minority and diversity. They should be women who fit the description of elders and mature women as described by Paul.  Women who know how to hold their tongue and how to speak with wisdom.  Women who know how to lift up men and women, and not usurp authority or have a "chip" on their shoulder against men. Those type of women are incredibly damaging, as much as a sexist man is.

We should choose elders and leaders who are anointed by the Spirit. As it was in Moses' time, the Prophets's time, and the 1st Century church, so it is in ours.

Let's take a brief look at some more recent history: (Excerpted from a paper by Marti Smith):

A. The Significant Presence of Women in Missions

In spite of the challenges women in many times and places have faced by following God’s call in missions, they have followed him in numbers. By 1910, more women than men were serving in missions.

(1) In the coming years the numbers of women would continue to climb until women in some areas outnumbered men by 2:1.

(2) Statistical studies on the topic are few, but one in the late 1980s, a survey of 19 mission agencies representing 20,333 missionaries, showed that 56 percent of them were women, with unmarried women outnumbering unmarried men six to one.

(3) A more recent report, from 2002, found that some 54 percent of Southern Baptists’ 5,241 missionaries were women, about a fourth of them single.

(4) In short-term missions as well as in situations that are considered too dangerous to send families, including many areas with a Muslim majority, the foreign mission force is composed largely of workers who are single, and a majority of these laborers are women.

Representatives of Frontiers, which works solely in the Muslim world, report that they are seeing women respond to the call in great numbers. In 2002 women comprised 75 percent of their short-term team applicants.

(5) Anecdotal evidence produces similar numbers. In a 2002 personal interview, a woman working with Operation Mobilization reported that of the 100 people working with her agency in one Asian country, 60 were women and 40 were men; and in ratios that seem fairly typical, these included 35 married couples, 25 single women, and five single men. Colleagues currently studying in Yemen say the expatriate community in their city includes 26 couples, two single men, and 21 single women. We must conclude that women have a significant presence in the mission force: not that of a minority, but a majority.

What is astonishing is that the American Church debates these issues as a matter of life and death (heresy and not heresy) when people by the tens of thousands are going to hell every single day.
What does it matter if it's a woman or man leading and teaching them to understand the Gospel Truth? 

SOME RESOURCES
See Kenneth Bailey's excellent exegesis of Paul's complex thought and Rabbinical cultural commentary in his book, Paul Through Mediterranean Eyes.    

I wept when I read his chapter on women's role in the church.  Ladies - his interpretation will sooth and heal your bruised souls, and men, this will empower you to discuss interpretation of Scripture with those who want to continue to marginalize women in the Church. 

Also, take a look at Dr. Skip Moen's thorough exegesis and discussion of the role of women from Genesis to Revelation. 

Finally, pick up a copy of "How I Changed My Mind About Women in Leadership: Compelling Stories from Prominent Evangelicals" edited by Alan Johnson.  Noteworthy is Stuart Briscoe's discussion of the values in tension of stewardship of the talents vs. a potentially misunderstood one single verse of Paul.  He chose the stewardship value and encouraged his wife and daughter to preach and teach.

I was also impressed when I saw that I. Howard Marshall, one of the most preeminent conservative New Testament Theologians of our time also contributed to Alan's book. His New Testament Theology is the gold standard used in seminary classes today.

Oh, and I was an elder of the CCCK - Christian Community Church of Kabul, under the blessing of my husband (who is way more progressive than me particularly on this issue) and the leadership of the (male) pastor and with permission of our male mission leadership. I was one of 3 women on the elder board, along with 3 additional men and the pastor.

I think these "gray" areas are why Jesus gave us a tool to navigate them quite well when He taught the Sermon on the Mount, particularly Matthew 7: 15-17:

15. Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16. By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit...
Perhaps we need to start a #missionarywomentoo movement. 

Related Posts
Women's Bodies as Battlefield - conservative Evangelicals highest domestic violence rate in USA.
Christianized Purdah
#silence is not spiritual
response to #missionarywomentoo
#missionarywomentoo
What if the Good Samaritan was an Orthodox Sunni Muslim Woman?
Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work
Women with a Wartime Mentality
A Tribute to the Single Woman Missionary
Androcentric Translation: A Poem


#missionarywomentoo
#churchtoo
#metoo
#silenceisnotspiritual

(1) Ruth Tucker, From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya (Grand Rapids: MI, 1983), p. 232.
(2) Tucker, p. 232.
(3) Howard Erickson, “Single Missionary Survey,” Fundamentalist Journal, January 1989, p. 27, cited in John Piper’s Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1991), p. 23. The foreword to this book, which addresses single men and women, includes some very helpful thinking on the topic of singleness and includes thoughts from a number of single missionaries throughout history.


Friday, October 5, 2018

Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work

I think back to my earliest experience of sexual harassment.  A young man saw my fully-clothed-shadow through an opaque window and said something that caused me to jump in fright and sob for a full 2 hours afterward. I never forgot what he said and my response as a young teen girl.

I remember almost being raped...twice in Russia.

I remember how many times an Afghan man walked or bicycled by me on the street, whispering something inappropriate to me, just loud enough for me to hear but not loud enough for my husband to hear.

I remember the numerous times being brushed against on my backside or front side when in the bazaar, whether Bombay (Mumbai), Kabul, Islamabad, Peshawar, London.

I remember the time a single missionary colleague made a comment that made me incredibly uncomfortable. I told my husband and made sure to never be alone in the same room with that man again.

I remember how many times men's phone cameras were pointed in my direction.

I remember how many times the taxi driver stared at me while he drove. I made a point to always get in the side of the taxi where he couldn't easily see me in his rear view mirror and purchased mirrored sunglasses which I use to this day.  If the eyes are the window to one's soul, I wasn't going to let just any man look at my eyes.

I remember how many times I felt stripped naked by men's eyes walking the streets of Central Asia, and my sickness in my stomach when I saw them begin to look at my cute little 6 year old girl.

Sexual harassment was a regular, almost daily experience for all women on the street - expatriate and Afghan women.  It was one of our "low stress" risk experiences, because it was so common and so frequent we had to learn to deal with it in order to persevere.  And of course, the men who knew us, who we worked with, were not like that in the office.  It was a street and bazaar experience.

Of course we women all over the world experience sexual harassment, and much, much worse. See my blog post on Women's Bodies as Battlefield. 

It's the fruit of humankind choosing to go our own way, and the resulting millenia of war between men and women.

Not God's design or plan.

A right expectation of unregenerated mankind is that this abuse of women will continue, especially among unreached people groups, but even in the Paris subway.

What will it look like between us when His Kingdom comes in full? 

In a time in history when European and American women are speaking up about sexual harassment and abuse, it seems we are not equipping our young people at the pre-field level for the amount of sexual harassment they will experience whether on the subway in Paris or the bazaar of Afghanistan.

In many countries, no amount of speaking up, no amount of female empowerment, no amount of going to the police will really do anything other than to get the woman jailed and/or thrown out of the country (UAE, for example, among many, many other Arab/Muslim countries). We can pass all the laws we want. We can be like the French and make "wolf whistling" illegal. It's not going to change men's hearts and inner purity. 

That doesn't mean a woman shouldn't do something.  

I've been told recently by a team leader that her Millenials are not coming with resilience to deal with sexual harassment on the subway.  They are asking for trauma counseling after a man rubs up against her.  The female leader responded with some practical equipping: Step on his feet, and yell loudly at him to stop.

So again I ask, in the pursuit of giving our lives to furthering Christ's kingdom in dark areas, what will cause you to panic, to melt?

Here are some suggestions for what I did and many other women did in Afghanistan. Consider some of the following for Cross-Cultural Work (In cultures where local men do not know Christ):

1. Emotional Resilience and Perspective - being able to handle hardship without melting.  It doesn't mean you ignore sexual harassment, but it doesn't send you in to a total meltdown.  I'm talking about the everyday stuff here - a man rubbing against you, a wolf whistle, a look. Keep the harassment "outside" of your core.  Your body, while yours, is an objectified body, which means often the harassment is not personal, it's to your body, which doesn't Totally define YOU. You are more than your body. What they do to your body, they do to Christ's Body. It's wrong, and should not happen. 

2. Discernment between everyday type harassment and injurious harassment that requires trauma help, counseling, and further intervention. We would agree that if a rape occurs on field, it is often best to leave the field to get the necessary trauma and medical help.  There's a scale of sexual harassment - from the look all the way to the rape. 

3. A person to regularly "offload" the bad culture days - the days when you experience sexual harassment. As one veteran woman reminded me after I told her about one particular bad experience I had just had, she said, "Let it roll of your back."  Again, it was an experience with an Afghan man on the street - it would be a different response if it was a Christian man.

4. Physical Equipping  - my daughter will not leave my home when she is 18 without being skilled in this: Krav Maga Self Defense for women. I'm making sure to get this training (1-day) before my next international trip.   Get some pepper spray.  Learn to keep your keys and phone handy, with an emergency number typed in at the top of your phone list. Get a boat horn - noise will often make an attacker stop.

5. Practical Equipping - get the local women to tell you in local language what to say when a man harasses you on the street. My favorite line is said with dripping sarcasm and disrespect:  "You Son of A Donkey." If you forget your language in the stress of the moment, just say it in English (or your primary language) and they WILL understand. Non-verbals cross-culture.

In shame-honor cultures, use shame to your advantage.  "Don't you have a mother, a sister?" or "I'm a good Christian woman."  etc.

I quite often would scold Muslim men for how they were treating me.  Workers often use the "turn the other cheek" incorrectly.  Sometimes, often, we need to point out evil and injustice, if not for our own souls for our children watching.

Of course, do dress appropriately, but I quickly realized it truly didn't matter what I wore - on the street in Afghanistan, women are fair game, apparently.  So I veiled like the most conservative local women to minimize attention to myself.

If a situation seems to be moving into a rape situation, consider rebuking the demon of rape.  One of the 2 times I was almost raped this was what came to mind and worked. The other time I simply fled.

As far as dealing with Christian men:

6. Don't engage in Salem Witch Trials behavior - don't accuse men of sexual harassment for the slightest thing.  State your boundaries clearly and keep them. Keep a personal boundary around yourself with what you are comfortable.  You can do side hugs or just an outstretched hand.

7. Keep a detailed journal. If you are having problems with Christian men, Christian workers, keep a journal of details of what happened. THIS will help if/when you are in a court of law.

8. Do Speak up, and Do attempt to confront, Biblically. Get help if possible. Don't tolerate sexual harassment, abuse, or assault.  Some agencies now use "Red Flag Reporting" or some other ethic reporting service.

Don't confuse behavior from men who follow Jesus and unregenerated men in the cultures we are trying to reach. 

We women need to have a different standard of response to different men in different situations.

Learn to discern the difference, and what to do when you are treated wrongly by men who profess to follow Christ. This blog post is primarily focused on dealing with unregenerated men. If you are a woman headed into an abrasive culture, and you have sexual trauma in your past, consider if your are truly recovered enough to be able to handle it.  It's OK if you decide you can't.

I do know of one woman who had been severely raped prior to coming to the field, and she had recovered and had perspective that she was able to do very well in Afghanistan despite the challenges for women. It is possible to heal from sexual trauma, but don't "beat yourself up" if you realize you can't.  We are human beings and are limited.  Have compassion on yourself.

What we do and say and how we conduct ourselves communicates to the next generation of women how we view ourselves.

We are daughters of The King. 

Related Posts
Women's Bodies as Battlefield - conservative Evangelicals highest domestic violence rate in USA.
Christianized Purdah
#silence is not spiritual
response to #missionarywomentoo
#missionarywomentoo
What if the Good Samaritan was an Orthodox Sunni Muslim Woman?
Sexual Harassment in Cross-Cultural Work
Women with a Wartime Mentality
A Tribute to the Single Woman Missionary
Androcentric Translation: A Poem