There are long-term effects of breaking off relationship with a narcissist. While the narcissistic enabler gains personal freedom and increased awareness of negative response patterns, there are four primary streams of relationship impacted.
Firstly, in relationship with God, we can often wrongly overlap the face of the narcissist on God's face. Doing so reveals our own wrong conceptions of God and continued need for healing. Understanding God's heart towards us, his delight in us, his profound, gut-wrenching love for us will slowly seep into our souls.
Secondly, how we respond to our spouse. Sometimes the impact of the narcissist influences how we respond and interpret the other. It's not always "assuming the best," because narcissists don't assume the best of the other - they interpret reality through what is best for them and their ego.
Thirdly, breaking off relationship with the narcissist and refusing to play by the relationship rules of a narcissist means challenges in relationship with others. There are plenty of folks who don't want to make waves and incur the wrath of the narcissist.
I wonder what the difference is between narcissism and passive-aggressive behavior. I think they may be intertwined, and those around the narcissist pick up on these sinful control patterns in relationship.
Information control - especially for those who grew up in a generation where "knowledge is power" seems to be a characteristic of those choosing to live in relationship with a narcissist. When information is withheld, or when "controlled" in such a way that similar experiences of that same helpless feeling, it's easy to wonder again what is normal.
We have to ask ourselves:
- How do normal people share information?
- Is the fact that I wonder what normal is reveal a lack of normalcy in the interaction?
Finally, when a loved one dies, we grieve deeply. When breaking off relationship with a narcissist, it's as if one is choosing to experience the loss of this person 1000 times. The dream of what could be, what one desires, what God intended - these are lost on a continual base. Long-term, deep grief and loss seems to be a permanent part recovery. It's healthy to ponder in awed silence the pain and let the tears fall uncontrollably.
What triggers the pain? Is it seeing a movie where the longed for relationship is demonstrated in a positive relationship? Or is it seeing an angry face that reminds you of the narcissist - there are things that "trigger" a reminder of the painful relationship. Be reminded God wants us to turn to Him so he can heal us.
Perhaps you are healing from being in relationship with a narcissist. I see one friend who recently broke off relationship with a narcissist in frantic, spiritual behavior. Another is filled with rage.
However, we need to find ways to productively process and heal from the relationship with a narcissist so we can effectively recover and re-normalize our daily relationship patterns with loved ones and especially our relationship with God.
How have we unknowingly been responding to God with either passive-aggressive responses or with residual "narcissistic" responses?
No comments:
Post a Comment
Feel free to comment related to this post or ask additional questions. All comments require moderation. I do not post sales or non-related links.