Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Silence in Grief



Job became silent. 
Heaven was silent. 
God's presence brings silence. 
The Holy Spirit groans when I can no longer find words. 

Within the 5 stages of grief.
Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance...

There is also:

Silence.

Grief so pervasive,
So continuous,
So deep,
How long, Lord? 

Perhaps Friday and Saturday were like that. 
After You died.

An end of one life, one hope, one dream
not knowing even that the next one will begin.

Silence.

From the depths of painful death and loss
I stand silently before the Throne
face-to-face with Justice 
and demand Mercy. 

In the silence  and bitterness
of not knowing when it will end

To be like Him means 
continuous grief and pain
but also
compassion, loyalty, faithfulness

Walking thru 
the world of souls
Accepting healing means
 accepting new Life 
Accepting He always cares.

In the Sacred Romance 
Longing is fulfilled
Lament is comforted
Beauty arises from ashes

Belovedness imparts identity
My heart and soul is comforted
By the Lover of My Soul
Who always Sees Me with Delight

He Stays with Me 
In His Delight in me I focus
The eyes of my soul 
On His face 

No longer estranged from the soil of my soul,
I swim in the river of light
Radiance returns
Beloved acceptance
Known in
Delight in.

(Author unknown)

Rend your heart and not your garments; turn back to God. Joel 2:13



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