Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.
When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Opposite of a Titus 2:3-5 Missionary


 She has given into Six Heart Defeating Problems Jesus described in Matt 5-7:

1. Hopelessness - Matt 5:13-16
2. Contempt - Matt 5:21-26
3. Lust - Matt 5:27-32
4. Dishonesty - Matt 5:33-37
5. Retaliation - Matt 5:38-48
6. False-Righteousness - Matt 6:1-4

Here is what she does:
  • She throws accusations around like a bag of bricks swung at the head of another woman;
  • She doesn't ask questions before making assumptions.
  • She doesn't encourage younger women, but criticizes when they do not measure up to her standard;
  • She judges non-verbal facial expressions, giving no benefit of the doubt for what is going on inside of the other woman;
  • She does not use "I statements" and does not ask clarifying questions; 
  • She has vain imaginations about what another woman is thinking or doing; 
  • She secretly enjoys pointing out the flaws in another woman when sharing privately with a friend;
  • She secretly enjoys hearing gossip about another woman, especially if it is about one she doesn't like;
  • She is insecure;
  • She lacks direction and passion in life, going from one ministry task to another with no zeal, love, or excellence;
  • She gossips, using "appropriate Christian-ese" such as: "I'm concerned about so and so;" or "Please pray for me as I work with so and so;" 
  • She slanders, taking words out of context and employs character assassination thinly disguised as the concern of a "mature" Christian woman for a younger one who has "problems;"
  • She is often known as a "pillar in the community" but in reality leaves hurting women in her wake;
  • She doesn't truly forgive from the heart;
  • She doesn't want the best for another woman she dislikes; (she doesn't "love her enemy"...even though "the enemy" is another missionary woman;
  • She holds grudges for years at a time;
  • She verbally attacks another woman, pointing out everything the younger woman has done wrong (in her opinion);
  • She is self-righteous;
  • She does not confront Bibically, but shows up with friends to confront another woman; when questioned, she replies sarcastically, "They already know all about our problem!" ...thereby excusing her having gossiped with them;
  • She uses the excuse of, "You're intimidating to talk to." (...since when is that a Biblical excuse for not confronting another we are offended by?);
  • She is intimidated by strong, confident, beautiful women;
  • She is unaware her self-delusional confidence is pride masquerading as humility;
  • Her words are not kind, but are judging, condemning, and are hurtful;
  • The teaching of kindness is not on her tongue. (Prov. 31:26);
  • She doesn't understand how to empathize for the loss younger missionary women experience;
  • She judges those whom she doesn't believe have "counted the cost" as much as she has.
  • She does not submit in her heart to her team authority;
  • She publicly undermines her team leader and headquarter leadership - but they don't see through her hypocrisy.
  • She blames other women and her leadership for her problems;
  • She does not take initiative to reach out to younger women who need help; 
  • She is not enjoyable to be around - is not a fragrant offering to others or to Him. 
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled." (ESV, Titus 2:3-5)

"Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble, so that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, to be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited)." (Amplified Bible, Titus 2:3-5)


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