Behind the Veil:: Response to #missionarywomentoo

Living Behind the Veil

I'm often asked what I wear in Afghanistan and what it's like to wear a veil. It's freedom. Freedom to have a bad hair day, freedom to arrange my chadar to conceal the curve of my breasts and backside, freedom to not be an expatriate for a little while. It means freedom to hide even on the street from the Afghan men's eyes which seem to strip me naked.

When I relax my shoulders and walk less purposefully, less confidently, my eyes downcast and covered by sunglasses, I pass for an Afghan woman. I hear the men whisper in Dari, "Is she a foreigner or local woman?" I chuckle but am silent. On the street, I'm also a free target....freely exposed to groping, sexual innuendos whispered to me as a man bicycles by, free to have stones thrown at me, freely seen as no one's wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend, or boss. I step inside my gate, and remove my chapan and chadar. Now I'm someone's boss, motherhood returns to me as little steps run to greet me, and I receive a kiss from my adoring husband. Now I'm free to his loving and gentle eyes which know and enjoy my curves, free to once again be under the protective umbrella of being a wife, mother, friend, colleague, boss, niece, sister, daughter, woman.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Response to #missionarywomentoo

Here is a response to my previous blog post #missionarywomentoo.

From a mature, Christian woman who yes, submits to her husband but also enters into Co-Regency with him to steward all they have been given to steward:

In reference to your last post about women......a hot topic for me as a woman on the field for 15+ years....

**I'm not a feminist either, but I am a woman and I do have a voice and I do have giftings to share. Imagine if someone invited me share a few words--so much I could share about the one-on-one time I have with our Persian ladies and the Syrians and other refugees when we lived in Turkey. I have stories to tell, but does anyone want to listen?? [DH] and I complement one another as team leaders. He has said countless times over the years that he could not do what he does if he didn't have me.

**If I had a dime for every time we went back to the US & how much people make a big deal about my husband and "his ministry (we usually always refer to it as God's ministry that He called us to). It is God's, really, and He chose us as instruments to do the work.

**The year that another woman said to me, "well, we hear all about [your husband's] ministry, so what do YOU do?" And then I start to explain all that I do only to have her say, "Oh, so you are [your husband's] secretary." Ugh!!!

Sorry, the years our kids were growing up and I cleaned the house (in Central Asia manner...with a cloth wrapped around the end of a wooden stick to mop the floor), cooked, home schooled or help with homework, had locals into our home--cue: get the cookies, candy, and tea ready!!

Aside from this I was heavily involved in security and getting one org to adopt a policy and our current org--pushing for the importance of making it more wide spread and being a voice and advocate. Our many years in Central Asia--organizing short term teams to come, host them, prepare them from a cultural standpoint to be in our culture, organizing travel. I've helped with women's conferences, in the children's camp we started in 2005, English club I attempted, and I'm sure there are about a ton of other things, too. I do a lot of administrative stuff. Now in recent years I'm a team leader alongside of my husband and we are over many countries.

**The real zinger is in 2017 when we took our teens back to the US to start college (that was when we had been overseas 14 years), someone (a supporter, actually) walked up to me at their graduation open house and said these words that made me freeze in place, "As the wife of a missionary, what are YOU going to do now that you won't have any kids at home."

On the field I have tons of responsibilities but when I go back to the US, I feel about an inch tall, if that. I feel stupid. I feel like, [Dear Husband] gets to speak and I'm "just his wife." Does anyone want to hear what I have to share? I get to sit there and just "smile."

I'm not that great at languages, but I have studied Russian, Kazakh, Turkish, Georgian, and now starting to learn some Farsi so I can communicate with our Persian folks.

One of the worst churches is our own home fellowship. Even though Dear Husband speaks all over the world, he doesn't feel welcome in our own home town, so to speak. He isn't invited to speak on a Sunday morning when we see other Missionaries get to (I guess because we are more about business).

And then what I get from other women..."oh you are so brave" (as if women are supposed to not be?) or "I could never do what you do." Hah! What do they think I felt when God called my heart back in 2001? Who me, God? You sure you got the right girl? And then I only knew that he wanted us to go to Kazakhstan and minister to the Kazakh people. Neither of us knew what that looked like or what exactly we would do. And here we are 15+ years later, living in [Central Asia] working with Persian peoples having started [the work here]. We just keep obeying and it is God, not us, who make us able. I'm not brave....God Himself has given me courage, it does not come from me. And if they read their Bibles deeply enough, they would know that it is by His strength and not my own. It is His plan and not our own.